God, the Devil, and Crayons.
Heather (my American Literature instructor),
Do you remember me telling you about those fucked up dreams I have where I'm waking up and then I wake up, and then I think I wake up and then finally, I really wake up, but no, I don't... :P but anyway, I just found out what really happens in between all that.
I went to bed around 11pm. Finally, I fell asleep around 11:30 or so, or thought I did... or you know what I mean.
I kept waking up thinking that these aliens were after me, the grey ones that I hate with the big heads and the big black eyes. I kept feeling them holding my hands and rubbing my leg, but I think it was really Aubrey in real life. I finally "woke up" and went into the living room and yelled at the aliens, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" and then I went back to the bedroom and and the window was open and I felt like they were outside of my window so I poked my head out and was like, "GOOOOO AWAY!"...
There was this dog outside standing by the stairwell. At first I thought it was an alien. When I realized it was a dog, I was like, "Come here pooch..." and it came over and it jumped in the window. Aubrey immediately woke up and chased the dog into the living room and it just stood there staring at us. I thought it was the devil. It finally darted back inot the bedroom and out the window. I taunted it a second tima (Monty Python hee hee) and it came running into the window and I closed it on it's nose. The devil's nose. I closed the window on the devil's nose. OKAY.
I go back into the living room and Aubrey's brother's drums and guitars and all that mess was in the living room. I was like, "How long is THIS CRAP gonna be here"? Apparently, Aubrey's brother was staying with us for a while.
Then, something funny came over me. I thought, "You know, this stuff better not be here when I wake up in the morning. God would be playing an evil trick on me if I woke up and my life was different (somewhere there I knew that I was dreaming and knew that if this was not a real dream, the stuff would be gone). Confusing, I know.
I "woke up" the next morning and BOOM!!! there's the shit. Drums, guitars, whatever. AUBREY is dressed like a hippie and goes over to play the drums. I'm like OMG... this is real. this is really real. God know that I thought I needed a change in my life and this is it. He knew that I was getting tired (of school) and this is my new life. But, there were a few catches.
Aubrey had a girlfriend. She was this blonde curkly-haired bimbo and she smoke Basic Menthols, except the pack wasn't green, it was blue. I remember thinking about how peculiar THAT was. She offers me a cigarette, gets one for herself, I take it and BREAK IT, and then give it back to her. Then I feel bad and smoke the broken one. I'm like "HAHA GOD! This is funny! Now put me back where I was!" It didn't end there. It just got weirder.
I wish I had a camera with special effects because this next "scene" would have been great for a movie...
All of a sudden, it was bright day, the light brightened a thousand times, and the living room widened. There were windows, windows, windows, DOOR. I looked in the corner of my eye and there was an ALIEN HEAD in the door. I couldn't make out any details because it was that kind of glass in the door that makes everything "fuzzy". I started screaming at the top of my lungs, "ALIEN! ALIEN!!!" Aubrey disappeared, and that girl had also vanished.
It was just me and Jabba the Hut (at the door), some other Star Wars characters, and a whole house full of aliens from, you guess it, STAR WARS. I HATE Star Wars! I couldn't speak their language but they still thought I was funny, anyway. I saluted Jabba because I felt like if I didn't, he would shoot me or eat me or something. He laughed at me with that gurgling, jiggling laugh he gives. I still didn't understand what everyone was saying.
I sat down in this chair and this red dude that spoke in a Scottish accent like Sean Connery was talking to me about the aliens that were coming in the door. I can't remember what he said because i was too busy paying attention to the back of his flat head and his braid. He was red all over...like the devil. yeah, the devil with a Sean Connery accent. Sexy. I kinda liked him, also, even though he was red, ugly, and had a flat head, oh yeah, and he was probably... THE DEVIL!!! AHHHH!!!!
That was the end of Act II. Here comes the weird part. I just knew that all this stuff was REAL. I was like, "THIS IS REAL... GOD HAS PLACED ME HERE TO SUFFER FROM MY OWN WISHES OF MAKING SCHOOL GO AWAY...".
All of a sudden, I'm in this town. I don't know what town I'm in. Apparently, I had been gone for a long time and just "happened" to return. Some people I had met in real life, but didn't remember me, such as Jaime, my and Aubrey's old roommate back when we first started dating.
I was in Red Lobster, Aubrey job at the time of our first meeting. I was looknig for him. Everyone knew who he was and they knew WHERE he was, but now one would tell me. I was walking around frantically and didn't recognize anyone. For some reason, I asked one girl if Jaime was around because Jaime would know where Aubrey was. She told me that Jaime was sitting "right over there". I was appauled to see him! After I put my cigarette out, I walked over and sat next to him. He was wearing this floppy-eared dog costume. "Danielle!", he exclaimed. What was weird was that he hadn't actually met me, but he knew who I was. "Wow, you're so beautiful", he said, and leaned over to kiss me.
Jaime has naturally big lips and nice ones, like Aubrey. It must be a Killen thing. Anyway, Jaime kisses me and this long, skinny tongue is forced into my mouth. I pretend to like it long enought to think maybe this isn't a great idea and "DAMN! You're a bad kisser!!!"... and a slimy kisser, too.
I stopped kissing him, pushed him away, and turned around. Aubrey and my sister, Rachel, were sitting right behind us the entire time. Aubrey was "dating" or "married" to Rachel. He had two distinct tear drops forming within the corners of his eyes. The situation fast-forwarded and I asked, "WHY aren't you talking to me? Why won't you talk to me? (And why are you dating my sister...). He said, just as his father would say, "People ought to not talk about things like that...". That was creepy.
Aubrey and Rachel left. By the way, Rachel wasn't saying a word to me either, as if she stopped associating with me a long time ago. I chased them both out the door. There was this family leaving out the door infront of me and their kids were screaming and yelling and crying. UGH... I was like, "HEY! Could these kids be any more annoying???" and this one little girl that was right infront of me turned around and just WAILED right in my fucking ear. "HAHA!", I said, when her father turned to see what had happened, "That was so funny... :-|".
I finally met Aubrey and Rachel outside of Red Lobster. It wasn't a typical restaurant-parking-lot environment. It was more like the place between a school building and it's cafeteria. Kind of a "courtyard". I kept following Aubrey around and asking him over and over again, "Why aren't you talking to me???". He just kept walking around him circles with Rachel, who was in a wheelchair and had crayons stuck in her hair. (Aubrey later said after I woke him up in real life that she must've smoked herself silly). He just wouldn't say anything and I believe that my sister wasn't talking because she was retarded or something, I have no idea. The whole time I was thinking, "GOD! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO MY REAL HOME!!! PLEASE!!!!
All I wanted to do was to go back to where I came from and for some reason I knew that I had gotten what I deserved. No husband, no sister, no friends, no family, and crazy, annoying kids running around in restaurants.
And then... I WOKE UP!!! For real, this time. I started crying and the REAL AUBREY woke up and asked me what was the matter. I told him. He was half asleep, but he told me that it was only a dream. Ugh... typical. I told him that I didn't know that I was capable of having these "philisophical" dreams that actually had a moral or meaning behind it. Ugh... I hate my brain sometimes.
All I know is that I was very happy to wake up in my REAL home next to my REAL Aubrey. I didn't have to worry about him dating my sister and her being in a wheelchair with crayons stuck in her hair.
BTW, that dream only lasted at least an hour and a half. I woke up at 1:15 and I'm still up...