I have this turkey in the freezer and I posted a bulletin on myspace asking wtf I should do with it. You're probably wondering why I don't eat it and it's because it's been in our freezer for 3 years and before that it was in Aubrey's mom's freezer for no telling how long and before that the neighbor could have had it. I don't want to cook it just to cut it and have it crack open like the fucking Delorian on Back the Future. Anyway, people responded with shit like "cook it and eat it" and I'm like NO and other stuff like, "take it to the homeless shelter" and well that was it. I'm not going to eat it and I didn't know if the homeless shelter had some kind of secretary sitting at an antique mohagany desk when you walked into the front door taking unwanted 100 year old turkeys. Maybe she's sitting there in black high heels and pantihose and a tight black miniskirt with FUCK ME written on her forehead. More power to her when she works at a homeless shelter. Aubrey and I just wanted to drive by and throw it at some people leaving the civic center after the ending of Hairspray.