Mi Caca Es Su Caca

This Is What I've Been Up To

2008-06-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

Homeless Turkey.

2006-12-08T16:57:00.000-08:00

I have this turkey in the freezer and I posted a bulletin on myspace asking wtf I should do with it. You're probably wondering why I don't eat it and it's because it's been in our freezer for 3 years and before that it was in Aubrey's mom's freezer for no telling how long and before that the neighbor could have had it. I don't want to cook it just to cut it and have it crack open like the fucking Delorian on Back the Future. Anyway, people responded with shit like "cook it and eat it" and I'm like NO and other stuff like, "take it to the homeless shelter" and well that was it. I'm not going to eat it and I didn't know if the homeless shelter had some kind of secretary sitting at an antique mohagany desk when you walked into the front door taking unwanted 100 year old turkeys. Maybe she's sitting there in black high heels and pantihose and a tight black miniskirt with FUCK ME written on her forehead. More power to her when she works at a homeless shelter. Aubrey and I just wanted to drive by and throw it at some people leaving the civic center after the ending of Hairspray.

Inbreeders.

2006-11-15T15:54:00.000-08:00

There's no need to talk about my present. Let's talk about my past. Because I have many tales to tell. Hmmm... let's see.

There is proof that there live inbreeders in other places besides the South. Missouri, aamof. And to continue, my ex-husband is one of them. Of course, to be an inbreeder, you'd have to actually breed, but in this case, WHO FUCKING CARES. He was fucking his first cousin.

Yep. He told me about his first-cousin, Martha or whatever... fuck I don't remember her name. Martha sounds good. Anyway, Martha and the ex-hubby lived together for two years in a motel room along with her jobless drinkin ass. And in turn, he drank a SHITLOAD (I'll get back to that later) so there he goes fucking his cousin in a motel room for two years probably every day, every night, in the bed, the couch, the shower, during a football game eating corn chips and drinkin Jack and a Miller Light. On top of the god damn dishwasher... whatever the fuck. She was probably all like, "AHHH AHHH AHH FUCK ME WITH YOUR BIG FAT COCK!" and he was like "OOHHH YEAH BABY COUSIN FUCKING IS THE BEST FUCKING!" or whatever. Btw, he didn't have a big, fat cock. But she would know.

His... I mean THEIR family completely disowned the both of them. Did I mention that he was 21 and she was 42? Not only is she a cousin molester, she's a fuckin child molester, too.

What's worse is that he tells me this before we are to be married. Of course, I was in love of all places and couldn't pull that arrow out of my dumb ass. DUH! You're about to marry a COUSIN FUCKER for Jesus' sake! Throw that shit in the dumpster. But, I didn't. We married that December and was just shy of being disowned myself. Not really. It doesn't matter that I married a nasty cousin-lickin motherfucker that when I came home, he would have a trail of beer bottles from the kitchen counter all the way upstairs into the bedroom where he would be downing a few more and listening to George Thoroughgood's, "I Drink Alone"; what matters is that I threw that trash out a long time ago and found me a good man that's never fucked his cousin.

It's A Privilege

2006-08-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

OH, WOW! I got two presents in the mail today! I got my new driver's licssenece and JCPenney upgraded my account. I'm now a Privileged Gold Member. That means that I've given them a lot of money and I'm a good payer backer. This made me not think so much of the bloated twinkie pictured in the small square to the left-hand side of my driver's license. I feel like I could march into JCPenney tomorrow and drop 30 bucks on a nursing bra. Ok... I'll probably need more than one. I really hope that oldhag isn't working there tomorrow. I have this scary thought that she's going to want to compare breasts. DD, please. Thanks :-

When I was 18, I wrote "PSYCHO" in huge letters on the back shield of my Sunfire with one of those shoe polish markers. That's what they were before they started marketing them as window markers. That's exactly what happened when people started using a 99c tube of super glue for deep cuts instead of stitches. Now they market "Liquid Stitch". I'm sure that 99c instantly morphed into 5-7$.

My Drunken Dad #1

2006-08-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm back!

2006-08-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

I totally screwed up my blog back in February and I've been meandering in Myspaceland, but I'm back and I'm due in like TWO WEEKS! Aubrey and I are very excited and hopefully, this won't turn into a mommy blog, but who knows... This may be the only place where I can dump words such as FUCK, ASS, SHIT, and CUNT without "anyone" hearing it. I never say cunt, by the way.

Smells Like Children.

2006-01-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

Well, Sunday I'll be 6 weeks. As you can see, I went to the mall to get some pants that actually FIT me... the kind that you can adjust the belt/string thing. My breasts have grown a cup larger and I know that because I'm falling out of my size D bras. Lord, help me. They hurt all the time. My stomach is stretching so if I eat a huge meal, it hurts forever. The other night, I ate a huge meal at 8pm and my stomach was still hurting at 11:30pm. I just read that I'm not suppose to eat big meals, but small, frequent ones.

Everyone I've spoken to is pretty excited. I think Aubrey is more excited than anyone...sometimes I wish that HE was the one having to go through this! Aubrey's dad, on the other hand, had a pretty lame response...

Dear Aubrey and Danielle,

Congratulations on the news from Aubrey last night. I am sure you will take care of yourselves and the baby will be a healthy and happy addition to your new family.

Love always,

Daddy

That response is actually a great one compared to the one that Aubrey thought he was gonna get. He thought maybe his dad was gonna be like, "Son, I don't think you're quite ready to have children yet." I mean, just the other week, his dad was like, "Son, I'm glad you're finally getting out on your own and making your own decisions." Aubrey about fell out of his chair. He has been taking care of his mom and brother (cooking, cleaning, taking care of yard and maintenance work) for years because his dad has always been 12 hours away working as a field engineer. "Son, I think you need to finish college and become an engineer (like me)." Eh...

Anyway, everything is fine so far... this doesn't mean I'm falling under the spell of the Mommy Bloggers... no yet, anyway :P

Hmmm....

2006-01-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

Adventures in New Year's Eve Land (whoever doesn't read this is a fucking retard).

2006-01-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

The top picture is of Aubrey holding a bottle of Jack and a bottle of V8 of which was SUPPOSED to help him from getting too fucked up. It didn't work. The middle picture is me, right after taking a shot of Jack, and I guess I don't have to explain the last one.

The night started off just great. There were the six of us: me, Aubrey, Jim, Rachel, Chris, and Eddie. We had a case of Natural Ice (Hey, we usually buy the darkest beer for Aubrey and I, but if we were going to feed everyone, we'd have to get the cheap stuff), a bottle of champagne left over from our wedding, a bottle of Jack, some smoke, and a nice fire. Everyone was jumping around, dancing, talking, laughing, and I was screaming everytime Aubrey and Chris through a stickless bottle rocket into the fire. We also heard a bomb go off a few houses down. No shit. We saw the white flash and it was LOUD (probably oxygen). I had as much to drink as anyone there, except Eddie... he doesn't drink. When it was time, we passed the bottle of champagne around and Jim even shook it up and the shit sprayed all over us. This is when everything started turning upside down.

I asked Aubrey how much a radio station would cost to run a month. I was expecting that it was quite expensive. I shouldn't have asked. Aubrey starts blabbing about how I crushed his dreams by telling him a while back that he annoyed me everytime he spoke about building sailboats. I just found it annoying because he's the type that when he gets an idea into his head, he doesn't stop talking about it. As-a-matter-of-fact, whenever he cruises the net, it's either to check his account balance or look up anything boats. I started getting extremely upset because for 1.) It was only a simple fucking question and 2.) I didn't know how much of a pain I had cause Aubrey by telling him that he was getting a bit annoying talking about boats all the damn time. Even so, I haven't heard him talk about boats since I had told him this. I even wanted to buy him a book about sailboats for Christmas, but bought him a soup recipe book and a book about John Lennon instead.

I guess he figured that he was going to sleep outside by the fire because of the monstronsities that were thrown at him after the fact of telling me "why can you talk about YOUR dreams, when I cannot." It was only a fucking question, but to him, it struck something that he had been meaning to express only when he was drunk enough to. I saw him leave to walk down the street. I figured he was just going to take a short walk, but after he was gone for a little while, I started to remember the last time something like this happened. He left drunk without me and ended up passed out on the sidewalk. I told everyone that Aubrey was passed out drunk somewhere and we needed to go find him. I was absolutely, positively correct.

I didn't have my glasses on at the time, but all I saw was a flashlight on something in the middle of the road a few hundred yards down. Yep, it was Aubrey, lying passed out on a fucking tree that he was trying to drag up to the yard to use for the fire. He was wearing a grey sweater, so all I saw was his arms and his head. It kinda creeped me out because it reminded me about that scene in E.T when E.T. was sick and lying in that creek calling, "Elliot, Elliot..." I was like HOLY FUCK and ontop of that, someone in a Jeep Cherokee drove up and came to a complete stop, got out, and yelled something about calling the cops. People drive down that residential street going like 50 when they are actually suppose to drive at a fucking residential speed of only 25. So, saying that, Aubrey almost got ran the fuck over. All in all, Aubrey was brought back to the house.

While trying to pull out the couch bed (or whatever you call it), Aubrey was sitting behind me in a chair. My back was turned and all I heard was that all too familiar grumbling sound coming from the belly of a person full of Jack, beer, and champagne. OMG. BLLLALLAAAHHHHHH!!! all over the fucking floor. BLLLAHHAHAHHAAAA!! BLLLALALAAHHHHH!!!! Thank goodness Jim and Rachel have ceramic-tiled floors. OMG the smell. We had eaten eggplant parmasean a few hours before. OMG. Acidic-smelling Italian food. Fucking yum. Jim took his industrial-sized mop bucket and mopped that shit up as I followed Aubrey into the bathroom and sat in there for like an hour rubbing his back while he shat on the toilet (yes, the "politically incorrect" past-tense form of "shit") while he continued to puke in the bathtub. It's funny (queer, strange, weird) that I had that dream about those worm things coming out of my monkey dick and when Aubrey puked one time, I went to wipe his mouth and two noodles from dinner were kinda stuck to his mouth. It reminded me so much of the dream that when I think about it now, I never want to eat spaghetti again. At least you only have to imagine it...I dreamt something like it, if not worse, then experienced a likeness in reality within the first hour of the new year. Yay me.

This morning he couldn't hold down water and slept most of the day. He was awake for the ride home, but we didn't say a word to each other. This doesn't necessarily mean that the incident the night before had anything to do with our silence; we just need some fucking peace and quiet. We got more when we both got home. I sat here and told others about my experience and Aubrey slept on the couch without any kind of noise except my occasional striking of the keyboard.

We settled our small difference - yes, we both concurred that the situation was both small and inapparent to be so upset at each other for something that we could both work on together (damn, I just said the word "both" in the same sentence three times). I told him that I never knew that he was so hurt until last night. I told him that I would try to be more supportive of him, since he IS like my dad... whenever I asked my father a question, he went all over the universe picking up shit that had nothing to do with what I asked him. Aubrey may talk forever, but he always gives me the answer that I was looking for.

Monkeys are special.

2005-12-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

I had a dream that I had a monkey penis and I stuck it in someone's butt and my peehole starting stinging so I pulled it out and it had two long and skinny worms attached to it. I threw the worms down and stepped on them but then I remembered that some worms grow into new worms if they're cut in half. So I grabbed a lighter and burned them but caught the carpet on fire.

Damn.

2005-12-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

:-O It was my birthday Tuesday and Aubrey got me some diamond earrings to match my wedding set. He says that he likes me to look "sparkly". :-O Today is my mom's birthday! I'm going to call her.

On our way to the mall Aubrey beat this dude in a Mustang with his Suzuki. Dude in the Mustang even had a head start. Then the dude in the Mustang turned into a dude in an Explorer and he was shouting something at us in what we thought was Italian, we're not sure. It confused the hell out of us. I think he was also throwing up gang signs.

The apartment took me like 6 hours to clean cause we had shit from Christmas that I had to find a place for. Some shit is going to the salvation army. Aubrey has so many clothes, we're going to have to replace the closet rod AGAIN. His mom works at Parisian's.

Aubrey was going to buy me a dress for my birthday but all they had was CRAP and I let everyone in that store know. We ran into Choya and he said that he and his lady friend were engaged. I told him that I forget that I'm married sometimes (that's a good thing).

Make your own cartoon!

2005-12-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

Relations with uh...

(My Cartoon)

At the end of the movie, you can make your own, too! Here's Diana's Cartoon. Her's is much funnier than mine :-| :P

Skeezer.

2005-12-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

Yep. THAT's what I think about my damn history exam tomorrow. I'm just going to have to bullshit through it because I don't know SHIT about no god damn Byzantine Empire or no god damn Pelopppppenennnnsian War (there were 3 phases BTW) however the fuck you spell it... all I know is some shit about Hitler and Rasputin because that's all I remember from god damn history 102. But this isn't 102, this is 101... like I'm pose to memorize from 2500 B.C. to some god damn 1550 A.D. Fuck that shit. Yeah, Martin Luther was one kick ass dude, but I'm not going to go god damn gaga over it. My shit is Literature. That's right... mostly shit that's made up that represents shit that's not made up. Do you think that barf was made up? Yes, it's all into your god damn imagination. So, there. I stated my point.

So? How would you feel if you were told you masturbate, but instead had to learn everything there is to know about Ahmad al Ya'qubi? Yeah, that's what I mean. Fuck that shit. I'll stick to shit I'm interested in. Yeah, I know history has to do with humanities, but fuck memorizing everything about some god damn Emperor Justinian. And what the fuck is the Treaty of Verdum? Who fucking gives a shit?

Capetian Dynasty, Dominic de Guzman, Desiderius Erasmus? I mean GOD! I spend a really long time putting together a fucking research paper about the Ka'bah and I get a god damn 80 on it. That's not the point, but HOW IN THE FUCK am I suppose to find time to study the chronological order of EVERYTHING history before the year 1550? Plus, the class that kick's fuckin ass to me right now is American Literature. I spent 1 1/2 days on my last essay. Where in the hell am I gonna find time to study 5000000 0 0 00 0 00 ,0000000 years worth of history? Let me just pull it out of my ass. I bet it would come out as easily as that barf came out of whoeverthefuck's stomach.

Eh... I'll just stop entertaining myself and go to bed. I'm going to go to that exam tomorrow, and write down everything I can, but SHIT... I mean! GOD DAMN!

I painted something for Heather today :">. I hope she likes it. Yep, that's what I did with my studying time. What would you do? I'd fuck off if I were you. Fuck it. Aubrey's asleep on the couch. That's why he's not in the picture above. Yeah.. he works 12 hours a day while I get to rack my brains. I LOVE YOU AUBREY!!!! We both rack our brains for the good of mankind. WTF?

Aubrey needs to go to the bar with me the next time. I'm getting fucking tired of these dudes that come up to me and offer me a hair dressing and god damn foot massage and paid-for drinks at Sammy T's. Do they not have enough sense to look at the lady's left hand for a damn wedding ring? DUMBASSES!!! Have some damn common sense. I mean, you seem like you have your speech down and everything...you'd think you would have done this kind of thing before.

Ah, shit. All three of us wear glasses. HAHAHAAA!! DORKS!

Plastic Barbie.

2005-12-06T01:12:00.000-08:00

My teacher said that my painting sucked because my figure's boobs are too big and her hair has been "babified". Also, there's no greens, reds, or yellows used in the tone of the skin. Yes, there IS a right and WRONG way of painting. UUGGHHH!!! HERE'S my teacher's website. Have fun. And I only posted this painting because I wanted CARRIE to see it because her email is suckie fuckie in the bunghole.

Violence Jack Off.

2005-12-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

ENGRISH.COM

I totally forgot about this site! I hope they take-a mista cod.

Someone from Toney, AL?

2005-12-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

CARRIE was looking through my sitemeter today and asked me if I new anyone from Toney, Alabama. I was like, "HELL YEAH! That's where I grew up and went to gggeeerrrr.... high school! I read that someone from sitemeter was looking at my shit and searched my name using google. So, if you are back, PLEASE leave a comment or email me @ winds_of_rome@yahoo.com!!! (I bet it was you, Cathy :-|) I'm also on Facebook, if you are currently or have ever attended UAH or Sparkman (or any University as long as you have a college email), then you can start an account on FACEBOOK .

BTW, MEATBAG told me that the U.F.O. video was a commercial for SciFi. Here are LETTERS written to the actress in the helicopter. Meatbag owes me two really hard slaps in the face. Bugger.

I just found out today that I'm on the Dean's list!!! HIP HIP WHORE-AYE!!!

Aliens are Among Us

2005-11-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

Are you saying that you DON'T believe in UFO's? I agree that most videos are crap, but if you think that THIS is a hoax, then you can slap me in the face. Really hard. Twice. HERE is the video without all the news crap on it, but you don't get all that slow motion. If you still don't believe me, ASK E.T.

Makin' babies with daddy.

2005-11-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

I don't think Carrie likes me anymore. Someone needs to tell her that I miss her very much. I leave messages but she never calls back... WWWHHHYYYYYY!!! Carrie! I want my fuckin cotton back!!! :P

We had a blast at Thanksgiving! Aubrey's dad is very against alcohol but we drank anyway while he sat over there with his sparkling grape juice or wetf you call it. All seventeen of us sat around the table and talked about different stuff. I couldn't hear what the adults were saying because it was so fucking loud. We kids talked about high school teachers and Jim talked about poop. At the table. Myla bit the inside of her cheek twice and said that it was very "crunchy". I told my mom that we needed little monkeys running around. Aubrey and I need to make some fuckin babies fast before everyone is too old to even pay any attention. One might get a finger cut off while the other is doing the cutting. Yep... everyone except Stacy (14) and Neal (20) was over the age of 21. Ok. 23.

I Missed Class Today (The Courtyard)

2005-11-21T00:11:00.000-08:00

The alarm was going off for over an hour. I finally woke up and turned the damn thing off. It read, "9:37". Holy crap! I totally missed Astronomy class! This is why:

Cliff and I went to this lady's house to kill her husband. I had been to this house before, except it was alittle different. The courtyard was beautiful! Cemented lions and fountains and a large pool right in the center.

This lady was deathly afraid of her husband. I believe he abused the crap out of her, never came home from work... whatever. So, that's when Cliff decided to take action, except, I was dragged into the whole deal. I really didn't want to kill this man because I didn't know the situation entirely and I had just met the lady! I didn't even know her name! All I knew is that she had the most beautiful courtyard I had ever seen.

Cliff and I decided to stay and wait for this lady's husband to get home. We walked through the large double-doors that were facing the pool and those eerie cemented lion-heads. The house was empty. At least it seemed that way. The nameless lady was upstairs or hiding somewhere amongst that huge house. We went inside to look for her.

Cliff was walking through the kitchen calling "Lady? Lady? We're here!", when all of a sudden I hear a noise coming from the courtyard. I turn around and I see the hood of the husband's Mercedes. I whisper (loudly) to Cliff.

"He's outside! He just pulled up in the driveway!"

Cliff turns the corner with gun in hand, opens the large doors, and confronts the man with the .357 . Somehow, I end up with a gun. The man comes walking towards me and I shoot him right in the neck. He immediately falls to the ground. I'm sure that I've permanently disabled him. Blood is gurgling out of his neck and he's holding it with his hands.

"Why have you done this?", he asked. "I don't know you people...". He's still holding his neck with his hand trying to keep the blood inside.

I just looked at him with complete confusion. I don't know why I was there. I just... was. I was just as confused as he was.

While his blood quickly gushed through his fingers, he slowly began crawling towards me, trying to grab my gun. We play tug-of-war and I finally had to give it up, for even though he was dying, he was still stronger than I was. He points the gun towards me and fires. Luckily, I had grabbed the gun just in time of his weakening state as the bullet flew into the opposite direction. The barrel was wet with the red juice and I imagined it to be quite impossible for me to manage grabbing the death stick before the bullet came from the gun and into my face.

As the man was slowly being taken by death's unimaginable melody, Cliff and I walked to the car, waved the beautiful courtyard with the eerie lion heads and glistening watery fountains an unreturnable goodbye, and drove away.

Uh oh, who let the alligator out?

2005-11-20T18:53:00.000-08:00

Man, I'm so bored. I was going to start writing my research paper, but I do have like 8 more days before it's due. Aubrey isn't getting another day off for 3 whole weeks. Ugh.. I'd like to take a break from class just so he can finish. He'd only be in for a year. Hmm... let me see if I can find another picture to post...

Oh, well. Pffft...WHATEVER!

9 Point (and then some)

2005-11-18T11:40:00.000-08:00

HAHAAA!!! Look at that fucking dog sniffing the dead deer! This is Cliff. He has a Masters in Math Science. He teaches at UAH and he's on our Tuesday Trivia team, the N.A.D.S. I call him the "human encyclopedia". Every fall, on opening season, he's out there hunting down deer. When doe season opened a couple of months ago, he shot one 50 minutes after the whistle blew. I don't exactly know how people know the exactly time to start hunting... I guess it's the time and date. But anyhow, he shot one soon after he was out on the field opening day.

What's funny is sometimes he'll come to class with a doe or buck lying in the back of his truck (with a tarp over it, of course). I guess he goes and hunts, comes to teach, then he goes home and cuts the shit up. I've eaten on one of his does before. It was good, but I couldn't eat another helping because I knew that I was eating a deer...something I wasn't exactly raised on. This isn't the best of Cliff's attire, either. He'll go teach class in green jeans, white socks with sandles, an old t-shirt, and suspenders... and that DAMN HAT!

Here's some other pics that Cliff has sent me. I don't know if he knows someone who's dog was in this predicament, but he sent a series of two, so they look pretty authentic coming directly from him. I sent them to crazyshit.com so I'm going to see if they actually post them.

Fuck it.

2005-11-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

FUCK IT! Figure it all out for your damn selves... here's a picture. I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Radical or no Radical, that is the question.

2005-11-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

Uh... hmmm.... You may have heard about all this "research" I'm doing for History 101. Yeah, well, I'll get back to the course title in a moment.

I'm doing my research paper, which is worth 25% of my grade, on the Hajj, the Muslim pilgrimage, that takes place once a year. I have been struggling with this topic because at first, it was a very broad topic, considering all the books I had found at the library were like 200 pages. How am I going to read all of that crap in a couple of weeks AND do my other classwork for history AND the other classes? I decided to go straight to the source, the Islamic Center in Huntsville, AKA The Mosque. I wanted to speak directly to an Imam, or the person that leads everyone in prayer. Since there is no heirarchy in the Islamic religion, the Imam is the closest thing you would get to an Islamic "priest". I called the Islamic Center and spoke with a woman that would look in their library for a book about the Hajj. She told me that she would find me a smaller book and I told her that would be just perfect. She called me back and told me that she found a children's book. I was like, "THAT'S GREAT! That's what I need, something short and to the point."

I drove to the Center and :P didn't think about it, but upon entering, I believe I was suppose to have my head covered, since it WAS the mosque. OOPS. Some dude came up to me and was like, "Uh... can I help you?" I was thinking, "OH, SHIT! I forgot to cover my head and this dude KNOWS I'm not really pose to be here for prayer or anything." I told him that there was a book that this lady was holding for me and I've come to get it. Well, anyway, I got to take a short tour of the mosque. I believe it was lunch time for the kids because they were all in the cafeteria eating. I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable and in unfamiliar territory. Oh, well, I'm sure they knew I didn't know any better. I mean, the lady on the phone didn't tell me to cover my head or anything. Whatever! When I return the book, I'll wear my hoodie.

Anyway, this is what I learned upon doing research...I'll try to keep it short and simple.

This is Mecca, the first place the Hajji, or "pilgrim" travels to. Muslims come from all over the world to join in the Hajj. Every Muslim must take the Hajj at least once in their lifetime. The only people that don't have to go are people that can not afford to, are too old, or have a physical handicap. I've seen people in wheelchairs, so some of those people go anyway. This is because back before there were planes, trains, and automobiles, these people had to walk or ride camels, sometimes taking years to arrive.

Yes, those are people. Approximately one million people can fit inside the walls of the mosque. You can't see it, but there are thousands more people outside waiting to get in.

This is the Ka'bah, or "House of God", of which is mentioned in the Holy Qu'ran. Ka'bah in Arabic means "cube". The Ka'bah is used as a focal point for which all Muslims pray towards five times a day. This Ka'bah is said to have been built by Adam, later destroyed, then rebuilt by Abraham and his son, Ismail. You may have read a little about Ismail in the Bible. Ismail is the half-brother of Isaac, and the son of Abraham and his hand-maiden, Hagar. For some weird reason, Sarah said that she was too old to bare any more children, so she told Abraham to go do it with Hagar, and BAM! there was Ismail.

What is strange is that the Old Testament tells of Sarah, or course, bearing Isaac, then getting jealous of Ismail and Hagar, so she told Abraham to lead them out somewhere and leave them. God tells Abraham to lead them out into the desert and not to worry, they will be taken care of and He will make Ismail a great nation. It says that. Really. But in the Old Testament, the story ends here. In the Holy Qu'ran, it tells that while Hagar was left with her infant child, Ismail, in the desert, she became frightened because there was no one around and no water for her baby. She ran between two small hills, Marwa and Safa (?), looking for either someone to help her, or for some water. When no water was to be found, she's like, "Please, God, help me, my baby's thirsty", or something, so God answered her prayers and sprang forth a spring. This spring is called Zamzam, which means "to rush out" in Arabic. Anyway, she and her baby were saved.

I will tell you the differences between the story told of Isaac and Ismail that just might be the center of all disputes between Christians and Muslims. And maybe Jews, too, since they go by the Old Testament, also. Yeah, it gets pretty weird.

To Be Continued....

Rubbadubdub.

2005-11-10T00:59:00.000-08:00

UGHHHHH!!!! I totally never miss class! I'm out of gas, Aubrey took the motorcycle and left his car which is probably FULL of fucking gas, but I can't find his keys ANYWHERE. He probably has all his keys on one keyring. He's gonna get it when he gets home. I'm shoving those keys right up his keyhole. Hmmmm.... probably won't exactly turn him on.

He just got me a new credit card. I can't use it because his is maxed-out (I'm on his account). WTF could he spend $500 on? Gas. Yep, gas. I'm starting a revolt. REVOLT! REVOLT! Eh... people won't do that because they'll be afraid losing something... like they're damn SUV. If you have an SUV... get rid of it and buy a Suzuki. It gets 35mi./gal. I know, I know. They probably attract the ladies, huh. Not if you're going to be spending all your date money on picking her up.

That just reminded me of something that happened to me a couple of weekends ago. I was going down the highway, minding my own business, and this dude totally freaked me out by honking at me. I turned to look and he stuck his tongue out and wiggled it at me. GROSS. He was driving a van fit for ten, probably had a wife, and probably had ten kids. Why the fuck would a dude have a van if he didn't have kids? He wasn't Mexican, either. Nasty fucker. I flashed him my ring and he left me alone. Probably thought I was giving him the finger, which would have made more sense to him, anyway.

I took pics of Aubrey in the tub. As I was getting the camera, be covered his weenie with bubbles because he knew that I would post them. So, I didn't take any pics of him waist-down... what would be the damn point? Don't pay attention to the dirty tub. I usually clean it once a week, but I haven't had time. You're probably thinking of why I'm not cleaning it now. Dammit! I just don't want to!Since I took them anyway, I might-as-well post them. And why do I have to be so damn technical at writing. It's just a damn blog! I AM changing my major to English. Damn good jobs out there. Besides, painting class is pissing me the fuck off. I have tons of brushes and I remember that just one of them costed me fucking fifteen dollars. I don't even use the bitch.

AND DAMMIT! Why are those fuckers upstairs always fighting about? Creak Creak CREAK across the shittin' ceiling all fucking day long.

God, the Devil, and Crayons.

2005-11-08T04:01:00.000-08:00

Heather (my American Literature instructor),

Do you remember me telling you about those fucked up dreams I have where I'm waking up and then I wake up, and then I think I wake up and then finally, I really wake up, but no, I don't... :P but anyway, I just found out what really happens in between all that.

I went to bed around 11pm. Finally, I fell asleep around 11:30 or so, or thought I did... or you know what I mean.

I kept waking up thinking that these aliens were after me, the grey ones that I hate with the big heads and the big black eyes. I kept feeling them holding my hands and rubbing my leg, but I think it was really Aubrey in real life. I finally "woke up" and went into the living room and yelled at the aliens, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" and then I went back to the bedroom and and the window was open and I felt like they were outside of my window so I poked my head out and was like, "GOOOOO AWAY!"...

There was this dog outside standing by the stairwell. At first I thought it was an alien. When I realized it was a dog, I was like, "Come here pooch..." and it came over and it jumped in the window. Aubrey immediately woke up and chased the dog into the living room and it just stood there staring at us. I thought it was the devil. It finally darted back inot the bedroom and out the window. I taunted it a second tima (Monty Python hee hee) and it came running into the window and I closed it on it's nose. The devil's nose. I closed the window on the devil's nose. OKAY.

I go back into the living room and Aubrey's brother's drums and guitars and all that mess was in the living room. I was like, "How long is THIS CRAP gonna be here"? Apparently, Aubrey's brother was staying with us for a while.

Then, something funny came over me. I thought, "You know, this stuff better not be here when I wake up in the morning. God would be playing an evil trick on me if I woke up and my life was different (somewhere there I knew that I was dreaming and knew that if this was not a real dream, the stuff would be gone). Confusing, I know.

I "woke up" the next morning and BOOM!!! there's the shit. Drums, guitars, whatever. AUBREY is dressed like a hippie and goes over to play the drums. I'm like OMG... this is real. this is really real. God know that I thought I needed a change in my life and this is it. He knew that I was getting tired (of school) and this is my new life. But, there were a few catches.

Aubrey had a girlfriend. She was this blonde curkly-haired bimbo and she smoke Basic Menthols, except the pack wasn't green, it was blue. I remember thinking about how peculiar THAT was. She offers me a cigarette, gets one for herself, I take it and BREAK IT, and then give it back to her. Then I feel bad and smoke the broken one. I'm like "HAHA GOD! This is funny! Now put me back where I was!" It didn't end there. It just got weirder.

I wish I had a camera with special effects because this next "scene" would have been great for a movie...

All of a sudden, it was bright day, the light brightened a thousand times, and the living room widened. There were windows, windows, windows, DOOR. I looked in the corner of my eye and there was an ALIEN HEAD in the door. I couldn't make out any details because it was that kind of glass in the door that makes everything "fuzzy". I started screaming at the top of my lungs, "ALIEN! ALIEN!!!" Aubrey disappeared, and that girl had also vanished.

It was just me and Jabba the Hut (at the door), some other Star Wars characters, and a whole house full of aliens from, you guess it, STAR WARS. I HATE Star Wars! I couldn't speak their language but they still thought I was funny, anyway. I saluted Jabba because I felt like if I didn't, he would shoot me or eat me or something. He laughed at me with that gurgling, jiggling laugh he gives. I still didn't understand what everyone was saying.

I sat down in this chair and this red dude that spoke in a Scottish accent like Sean Connery was talking to me about the aliens that were coming in the door. I can't remember what he said because i was too busy paying attention to the back of his flat head and his braid. He was red all over...like the devil. yeah, the devil with a Sean Connery accent. Sexy. I kinda liked him, also, even though he was red, ugly, and had a flat head, oh yeah, and he was probably... THE DEVIL!!! AHHHH!!!!

That was the end of Act II. Here comes the weird part. I just knew that all this stuff was REAL. I was like, "THIS IS REAL... GOD HAS PLACED ME HERE TO SUFFER FROM MY OWN WISHES OF MAKING SCHOOL GO AWAY...".

All of a sudden, I'm in this town. I don't know what town I'm in. Apparently, I had been gone for a long time and just "happened" to return. Some people I had met in real life, but didn't remember me, such as Jaime, my and Aubrey's old roommate back when we first started dating.

I was in Red Lobster, Aubrey job at the time of our first meeting. I was looknig for him. Everyone knew who he was and they knew WHERE he was, but now one would tell me. I was walking around frantically and didn't recognize anyone. For some reason, I asked one girl if Jaime was around because Jaime would know where Aubrey was. She told me that Jaime was sitting "right over there". I was appauled to see him! After I put my cigarette out, I walked over and sat next to him. He was wearing this floppy-eared dog costume. "Danielle!", he exclaimed. What was weird was that he hadn't actually met me, but he knew who I was. "Wow, you're so beautiful", he said, and leaned over to kiss me.

Jaime has naturally big lips and nice ones, like Aubrey. It must be a Killen thing. Anyway, Jaime kisses me and this long, skinny tongue is forced into my mouth. I pretend to like it long enought to think maybe this isn't a great idea and "DAMN! You're a bad kisser!!!"... and a slimy kisser, too.

I stopped kissing him, pushed him away, and turned around. Aubrey and my sister, Rachel, were sitting right behind us the entire time. Aubrey was "dating" or "married" to Rachel. He had two distinct tear drops forming within the corners of his eyes. The situation fast-forwarded and I asked, "WHY aren't you talking to me? Why won't you talk to me? (And why are you dating my sister...). He said, just as his father would say, "People ought to not talk about things like that...". That was creepy.

Aubrey and Rachel left. By the way, Rachel wasn't saying a word to me either, as if she stopped associating with me a long time ago. I chased them both out the door. There was this family leaving out the door infront of me and their kids were screaming and yelling and crying. UGH... I was like, "HEY! Could these kids be any more annoying???" and this one little girl that was right infront of me turned around and just WAILED right in my fucking ear. "HAHA!", I said, when her father turned to see what had happened, "That was so funny... :-|".

I finally met Aubrey and Rachel outside of Red Lobster. It wasn't a typical restaurant-parking-lot environment. It was more like the place between a school building and it's cafeteria. Kind of a "courtyard". I kept following Aubrey around and asking him over and over again, "Why aren't you talking to me???". He just kept walking around him circles with Rachel, who was in a wheelchair and had crayons stuck in her hair. (Aubrey later said after I woke him up in real life that she must've smoked herself silly). He just wouldn't say anything and I believe that my sister wasn't talking because she was retarded or something, I have no idea. The whole time I was thinking, "GOD! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO MY REAL HOME!!! PLEASE!!!!

All I wanted to do was to go back to where I came from and for some reason I knew that I had gotten what I deserved. No husband, no sister, no friends, no family, and crazy, annoying kids running around in restaurants.

And then... I WOKE UP!!! For real, this time. I started crying and the REAL AUBREY woke up and asked me what was the matter. I told him. He was half asleep, but he told me that it was only a dream. Ugh... typical. I told him that I didn't know that I was capable of having these "philisophical" dreams that actually had a moral or meaning behind it. Ugh... I hate my brain sometimes.

All I know is that I was very happy to wake up in my REAL home next to my REAL Aubrey. I didn't have to worry about him dating my sister and her being in a wheelchair with crayons stuck in her hair.

BTW, that dream only lasted at least an hour and a half. I woke up at 1:15 and I'm still up...

Danielle

It's somebody's birthday

2005-11-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

:-O!!! It's Carrie's Birthday! I sent her a birthday card with that talking Site Pal shit on it. I could make it say whatever the hell I wanted it to. It's pretty fucking hilarious. Diana helped me write it. Carrie's Birthday Card.

I have a few more pics from Halloween. This is Ariel dressed in her bad ass sexy as hell Arab genie costume. We went to her parent's house to trick-or-treat with all the kids in the neighborhood. I've never seen so many kids walking up and down the street on Halloween! I know where I'm going to take my kids trick-or-treating when I have some.

Halloween Extravaganza!

2005-11-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to surf the blogs to see what kind of Halloween stories everyone has! I have so many pictures! I don't really have much to talk about...This is the second time I've been to a bar for Halloween because everywhere else charged $20 to get in. I spent Wednesday, Saturday, and Monday night at Freddy's. Halloween is Freddy's favorite holiday, so he was going to make the most of it.

Besides my first limo ride and all the great costumes, I had a great time. Halloween ended like any Halloween should... I'll have to get that pic from Brian. Carrie said that she's never been rolling before, so I'll have to take her some night.

Here are the best selections of my pics... just let them tell the story... :P

October 29, 2005.

Notice the hand print on her right cheek...

October 31, 2005.

Ron Jeremy won the costume contest... go figure. Wednesday night, a lady pimp won. Why does it always have to be sex with you people?!

Saving the best for last... My Favorite pic in the whole bunch...

Since all of you couldn't FUCKING WAIT... I might have to come back tomorrow and fill in some spaces... but why the fuck do you need to know who any of these people are...Sorry it took so long..my internet has been fucking with me all day...

Oil Raslin' Part 2

2005-10-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

OH! Sorry... I was pose to show you hot chicks covered in oil, not mullets... :P

So what kind of Goth are you? Visigoth or Ostrogoth?

2005-10-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

I totally bullshitted my way through my history essay question. My instructor, Dr. Johnson, expects everyone to memorize 1000 years worth of Roman history. Here was the question:

Analyze the mixture of political instability and political stability that characterized Roman history from 509B.C. to A.D. 600. (Oh, sorry, 1100 years). Your essay should analyze the key sources of instability, and should ten offer at least four case-studies analyzing how political leaders sought to manage those problems in order to create stability. (You may study both unsuccessful and successful political leaders.)

I used phases like, "This dude named", and "Constantine embraced Christianity. He built this church called the Hagia Sophia. During this time, the Roman Empire was split right down the middle, dividing it East and West. The people on the East side were like, "Go Jesus!", while the people on the West side were like, "Yeah, whatever". I used words like "jealous", "crap", and "totally pissed off". I'll at least get points for getting everything in chronological order. I just hope I get points for being a complete smart ass. Most likely, I won't get any points just for being a complete idiot and making a mockery of Dr. Johnson's exam.

The rest of the test was pretty easy...that's the part that I study most on, so she won't think I'm a complete and utterly moronic stupid idiot...

Sorry kids... no blogsurfing tonight.. my astronomy homework is due tomorrow.. I totally forgot about it... UGHHHH!!! If it's not one thing, it's ANOTHER.

The Tapeworm and the Cookie

2005-10-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

For Tickles

This dude went to the doctor and told the doctor that he couldn't figure out why he was losing so much weight. The doctor told him, "Ok, I know the exact solution to your problem...go home and come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie...". So, the dude went home and came back with his cookie and his banana. The doctor stuck the banana up his butt first, then a few minutes later, he stuck the cookie up his butt. Then the doctor said, "Ok, go home and come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie...". So, the dude again came back to the doctor with his banana and his cookie. The doctor repeated the process. He stuck the banana up his butt first, and then a few minutes later, the cookie. The doctor told him to go home, but this time bring back a banana and a hammer. So, dude came back to the doctor and the doctor stuck the banana up dude's butt. A few minutes later, to all of dude's surprise, a TAPEWORM popped his head out of his ass and said, "WHERE'S MY GOD DAMN COOKIE?!" and WHAM! The doctor took the hammer and smashed the tapeworm until it was a puddle of gobbley goo. Problem solved.

P.S. Girls soaked in oil below...

Oil Raslin

2005-10-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

Well, there's just not much to say about last night...we just chilled out at one of Rachel's friend's Halloween Party. It took me two hours to get ready. Since I don't have much to say, I'll let the pictures do the talking...I have to study for my history exam, so I don't really have that much time to blahblahblah, so this one should be easy...

OH, YEAH! I forgot about the oil raslin at Freddy's later that night...

Yes, they're kissing...awwww... :X

This one's my favorite...

Well, I guess it's off to study... that's probably why I don't have much to say. We got pretty wasted and went home. I had to take Aubrey's keys because he was too drunk to drive. Poor baby. He's on the couch taking a nap now.

P.S. I told people about these damn hurricanes! That there were going to be one after another... but I guess no one listened... whatever.

Diana loves Brown Sugar...

2005-10-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

For Diana

It was ladies night last night! And I didn't see Mr. Robot anywhere! He must have had to deliver tonight. We met Ariel, but she went home early. So, Rachel and I just hung around Molly Teal's and ran into some crazies that kept following us around. We wanted to ditch them, but what if I see them around somewhere else and they're all like, "Why did you ditch us?", so I solved the problem in a civilized manner. I just told them that it was nice meeting them and shook their hands. That was easy....

As you can see, we never attract the frat boy type because I'm more intelligent than those ppl and obviously just as arrogant. I like having deep conversations about the cycle of life and crap... nothing else to talk about these days... unless you like to talk about football, fucking, or "that guy's a homo" or some caveman stupid shit like that..

Here's Rachel and I. She's in her fifth year of civil engineering. I think she carries her calculator in that purse thing she's got.

This is Harry, pronounced, "Hadi", in his native dialect. He's from India. Duh. Rachel and I went back to Sammy T's because everything else was closing down and met him and his friend,...uh, I forgot, who had blue eyes and I told him that he had a recessive gene but that's ok, because so do I... Anyway, Harry thought I was psychic because I asked him which of the sixteen dialects he spoke, and if he was from Bombay (pronounced BomBYE). He told me that his dialect was... something, I forgot, that he was from Bangalore, and he's only been here for two years. AND, he spoke better English than I did. I told him that I wasn't psychic, and I wasn't ignorant, either. We had a long conversation about how he gets "Everybody Loves Raymond" over in India, and we get jack shit from anywhere but here. We might get some Benny Hill or something like that, but no Bollywood. We also talked about how "outsiders" see the United States and how our media only covers the stuff that our government wants us to see.

He also said that the United States isn't the only place that international people want to go. He said that they usually pick out a culture that they are most interested in and go from there. In his case, it was the American culture. From there, they go to college and do what their parent's "force" them to do. His dad wanted him to be a doctor, but he can't stand the sight of blood. So, he's an engineer. I'm not sure if that's what he wanted, but he had come a long way and was going to make the best out of his experience.

He also told me that every little experience that we have in life, every little instant, like us meeting and having this very conversation, changes us in a big way and makes us realize new things. He explained that just two years ago, he made different decisions and thought differently, and so did I. He's learned more in the last two years than he ever has his whole life. I've learned more in three semesters than I ever have. I like totally think about things in a different way. Damn.

Those are the conversations I like to have.

Yes, Miss Daisy!

2005-10-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

I was like "Put my panties on top of your head and let me take a picture", and he was like, "OK...". I wish all men were as gaulible as he is...WAIT! They are... >:)

Oh, and that's not a joint he's smoking, it's a rolled cigarette. He's just a big poser. Awwww....

I found this weird video of these guys called, "Cracked -Out". I don't know if they're trying to be like the Beastie Boys/Bloodhound Gang/2 Live Crew. I don't know how to post videos yet, so just click on the link, and here's a picture of them.

Fucking Yo Mom's in the Ass Video

I have to warn you that their songs contain explicit lyrics, so make sure the kiddies are out of the room before you play the video or their list of songs. I showed Aubrey the video and he was still singing it last night. I thought he might think it was funny. My other favorite is "Maria", which is listed on their song list. Apparently, you can buy this album, but I wouldn't recommend it. Your money might be spent on crack, rather than them sending the cd to your house.... and I wouldn't want them to know where I lived, either. Besides, I think they're just fucking around, anyway. P.S. If any of you know how to post videos, let me know... I have a lot of stuff I'd like to put up for show. Hey... that rhymes... :P

CrackedOut (website)

Wish I was there...

2005-10-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

This is Ariel, and the keyboardest from Black Eyed Susan. She called me about going but I wasn't home to get the call and I forgot it was Thursday...Ladies Night. So, guess who's in the middle... guess who JUMPS into the shot... no, it's not Usher, Carrie, it's ASKIA.. that lying mother fucker. I would have thought he had some Chinese to deliver. WTF does he do? He's downtown EVERY FUCKING NIGHT during the weekend. Trust me, I know. Honestly, I think he's a robot. He doesn't drink, and I never see him leave with a girl. Maybe he's gay. I wouldn't be surprised. Or, maybe he's a robot. Yep, a fucking robot.

Ariel and Jay? (Ariel you might have to correct me if I'm wrong)... It must be pretty far into the night because they're pretty far gone.

Jay was giving Ariel a piggy back ride/dance on the dance floor and dropped Ariel on her ass. She also got beer splattered all over her. Poor thing. She said that her ass is still hurting.

I thought I'd just share this with you since nothing exciting happened to me this weekend. I'll be sure to take my camera next time. Next time, GADGET... NEXT TIME!!!! Tee hee.

THE MOST HORRIBLE FUCKED UP DREAM EVERRRRRR....

2005-10-15T15:13:00.000-07:00

OMFG!!!! I wasn't THAT drunk last night and I still had a fucked up dream!!!! I'm pooped from all the visuals.

What I remember first was that I was on a date with Christopher Walken. Aubrey and I had broken up or I just went out by myself and ended up with Chris... I don't know, and I did care at the time. I was having the BEST TIME of my life...we were dancing like Chris likes to dance. I didn't want it to end. I was thinking of taking him home with me, but then thought that my mom would think he was too old.

We left in his car. We were downtown at a red light. Some other car whipped around us, spun around, and stalled, then took off. Some woman came up to the window and said, "They're ok... the bride and groom just passed out at the the wheel...". I was thinking, "Why are they letting the bride and groom drive away DRUNK?" That's all I remember about that scene.

I was at my house on Dollywood Drive. This is the house I "initially" grew up in. Anyway, I guess my parents weren't home because I was talking to my mom one her cell phone, and I had struggled to remember her number (I always do things like that). She's on the phone with me and I'm screaming at her, "WHERE IS AUBREY!?? WHERE IS HE!???" She said that he just went away to some college or something. There was alot of static when I'm talking on the phone. I keep repeating myself. She says that he's at some DNA college, but she won't tell me where this college is. AND she tells me that my father just died yesterday. I'm like WHAT?! And I start balling and screaming. So, I'm crying and I'm MAJORLY PISSED OFF, so I hang up on my mom and I call up Samuel L. Jackson.

Samuel is on the phone. It's 11 p.m. I quickly realize that it's 11 p.m. He's lying in bed asleep next to my American Lit instructor, because that's his wife. He answers the phone and I can tell that he's been asleep. "Hey, hey, pretty lady.. what's going on...it's late...". I apologize and explain what's going on. He was like my best friend in the whole world and he would tell me where Aubrey is. "Where's AUBREY??? No one will tell me where he is!!!" I'm crying and he's comforting me like a best friend would...but he won't tell me where Aubrey is. "You know I can't tell you that, child...". I was like WTF! You're my best friend and you won't tell me where Aubrey is!!!

I hang up on him and I call Aubrey my DAMN SELF. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but....it's a dream and you must be patient with dreams. Especially this one.I'm standing there on my front porch and there is some kind of college party in my fucking front yard. I saw a lot of people and some drums. You know.. those drums that have four to a set and each one plays a different note like A, C, F, and D or some shit. (Kettle Drums) Anyways, I start dialing Aubrey's number and I can't remember it, probably because I never have to dial it. Anyways, there's this dude standing on the front porch with me and he is calling someone. Somehow our lines get twisted and I'm hearing him on my phone. Typical. Just Typical. I hang up and try Aubrey's number again.

I finally get him on the phone and I'm like "WHERE ARE YOU????" And he's like, "WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME...". OOOOOHHHHH DAMMIT! Here we go.... There's a lot of static on the phone so I can't quite understand what he's saying... He's like, "Something (static)...I'm not coming back and I don't know why you're calling me.... (static) you're getting arrested (static) testicles. TESTICLES??? WTF? So I say, "Well, Aubrey only has one testicle, but I had nothing to do with it..." SO, I'm talking to ED now. Not Aubrey. DAMMIT! UGGHH....

I start looking around while I'm on the phone. I'm in the backyard. I look to my right and I see electrical wire strung along the backside of my house. My parents and my bedroom's window was there. I'm thinking it's more like the kind that you wind around cattle fence to keep them from getting out. I look to my left, and there is a whole other house sitting right next to the garage. It's quite a new house. My dad live(d) there.

That's all I remember of that dream. I'll explain some things a little more in the comment box. This is what Diana said about it...

Diana: abandoment issues perhaps? And maybe you feel guilty from things that have happened in the past cuz maybe you cheated on your previous penises??

Boy Trouble.

2005-10-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

July 1st, 1994

Well, 2 months to go. Will I loose it this summer? Who knows? Maybe. Papa said I can have a social party in a couple of weeks. Let's see who I'm inviting: Jason, Donnie, Daniel, David, Marcus, Amanda, Brianna, and maybe James and Jason Dupree, Matthew and Bill. Only 2 girls are going to be there besides me. I just don't have many girl friends, I guess. I went to Jason's or I mean Will's, but Jason was there.

I wore my bell-bottoms outfit and they were starin' alright. Jason told me if I wanted to kiss him that I have to do something he wants me to do first. I was like GOD! Jason really does want to with me! Because he really likes me. We are both virgins and be both are waiting for the right moment. He just wants the moment to be now with me! I have a problem. I like Jason and Donnie. If I ask Donnie to go with me and he says yes, I guess I will go with him. I haven't got to spend much time with him. I know how he's like - well, sorta. I have only a few pages left. So, I have to make this short. It's not really the 1st anymore because it's 1:07 a.m.! Bye!

Danielle

Astrotomy lab...

2005-10-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

I came home the other night balling my eyes out because I did know how to do my astrotomy lab assignments. I walked into the lab room, looked at that jibber-jabber and walked right the fuck out. As I was leaving the parking lot, I decided to go back inside and ask for help from my lab instructor. I walked in with tears in my eyes and said, "I don't know how to do any of this...", and he replied, "Excuse me?". OMFG. He just made me feel like a complete RETARD. So, I repeated myself..."I don't know how to do any of this...", and he said, "What part?"...WTF???? WHAT PART? FUCKING DUMB ASS! I said, "ALLLLLL OF IT!!!!"

I explained that I was an art major, not a science/math major. He snickered and said, "Well, that DOES make a difference..." WTF? WTF does that mean? That I'm fucking STUPID??? Well, let's give him a few works of literature to read and come up with a thesis that no one has ever come up with before. YEAH... let's see if he can do that. Math stays the same, but literature and art ALWAYS has a different answer. He's the retarded one for staying in his "comfort zone" within his little "math never changes" circle. Whatever. I'm getting help from Aubrey or Rachel, or the two math teachers that I hang out with at trivia. Fuck that lab instructor. He doesn't help, anyway.

So, as I said before, I came home crying on Aubrey's shoulder. Later, he said that he had a surprise for me to make me feel better...I asked him if it had something to do in the bedroom. He said, "Well, I guess we could do it in the bedroom, but I don't think that would be a good idea...". Hmmm...I had no idea. Well, the idea turned out to be that I was going to get to throw water balloons at Aubrey!!! So, I got a pic, and it made me feel so much better. I got him in the balls one good time, too, but it an accident. I WAS pretty pissed off about an hour earlier.

I also found out that my family is crazy. I feel alot better knowing that I'm normal. I got kinda worried there. I figured that there HAD to be something going on because of how "normal" I was raised. Yeah, I was raised alittle "too" normal.

Capitalism makes me bleed...

2005-10-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

HEY, guess what guys?! I bought my first Halloween costume! Last year, I borrowed Ariel's Genie costume and ALMOST won the costume contest, but all the monkey men were drunk, so they voted for this dyke bitch with big ass blow up titties. The whore about knocked me off the stage a few times. Anyway, everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to be. My mom dressed my sister and I up as cheetahs one Halloween, and I'm going to combine that with these kick ass fairy wings that I found at Party City...

Here's the pic of the kitty that I'm going to use to manipulate the facial features...

HAHA! j/k...

Aubrey's mom made me a leash so he'll be my "kitty trainer". He'll wear his black leather pants and I'll have to get him a black cowboy hat... anyone have any ideas? THHHHH....

STOP! Hammie Time!

2005-10-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

50% Off Ground Chuck

2005-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

For Carrie

Who said Alabama can't party? I mean, it's a fucking meat market! Meet Ladies Night @ Sammy T's Music Hall...
Nuff said.

I went to Ladies Night last night, so that means, it's free for us ladies, and where ladies go, the monkeys are sure to follow. My sister and I took Ariel. As for Rachel and I, we left to go somewhere more suitable, say, Humphrey's and Molly Teal's, and frequently came back to see if Ariel was doing ok. Oh, yeah...she was.

Some dude was trippin' on X, and kept taunting this other dude that was dancing around some girl that he wanted. It was fucked up. He just stood there, taunting this dude, and yelling BLAHBLAHBLAH who knows what, while the other dude just danced vigorously around him. We took our turns walking inbetween them.

Upon leaving at closing time, the monkeys followed behind as we went to our car. It was parked in a very well-lighted car garage, but it still made Rachel and I extremely nervous. One of the guys gave Ariel a piggy-back ride because she wore those damn Stelletto heels and NO DUH.. her feet were hurting. We got to the car and two very drunk monkeys were climbing on the fence. Actually, one was taking a piss in the street before taking the fence. I was like, "THIS ISN'T FUCKING NEW ORLEANS, YOU BASTARD!" and he just happily yelled random jibber jabber and probably didn't even know what I was talking about. I talked to a few cops and told them to just STAY RIGHT THERE DON'T MOVE, but they just walked away. Fuckin' monkeys dressed in uniform. Anyway, as Ariel was still running around and being chased by the monkey men, Rachel and I got into the car and rolled the window up. I wish they were the manual roll-up kind, just to make the act more dramatic. HEY CARRIE! Come start a fight up in this bitch! That would fucking ROCK!

This is Askia. He graduated two years after I did. He's always in with the ladies. But, there is a horrible secret that I must dispense...When I "dated" him in high school, he use to tell me all this wierd shit like his dad was in the Russian Gestapo and his grandmother had a private jet. I ran into him at the club one night and he was telling me all this bullshit like, "Yeah, I'm working for NASA and other than all this top secret shit I know, it's pretty boring..." Well, one night, Ariel and I surprised him when he delivered our Chinese food. Of course, he told us how he just got back from a photo shoot for Esquire Magazine. YEAH, whatever. So, if he was working for NASA, then why the fuck was he delivering us Chinese? HAHA! I had finally caught him.

This is Duck Man, a.k.a. "Dancing Dave". He's like some kind of Rain Man or some shit. He lives in these old apartments looking over the square. There was even a news article about him. His apartment has like only one chair, and a table, and I'm sure he has some bookcases full of books or something. I saw him walking around the courthouse one day. I walked up to him and I was wearing my Kentucky Derby 2001 shirt. He started naming off the names of jockeys and horses that were in that race... and the PLACES they held. I was like HOLY FUCK, you fuckin' rock, Duck Man! Oh, we call him "Duck Man" because of the way he dances. He's funny, because you can go up to dance around him and he'll run away. And he doesn't wear deoderant.

LOOK! There he is again! HAHA! Look at those socks! Rock ON, Duck Man...

YEAH, 100% Grade A... PPPFFFTTTT...Oh, yeah! By the way, these pics came off of the Mayor's son's website. He's the one with the camera at all events.

Mayor Loretta Spencer...

Mayor Loretta Spencer's son, Steven or John or WTF EVER I forgot.

For more pics of Huntsville, AL night life, go to The Toe

The day Aubrey lost his virginity...

2005-10-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Aubrey got a taste of what being gay felt like. He was helping Ariel fix a light-bulb on her back porch and using a chair from her dining room to stand on. As he was coming down (and often he jumps down just to show what a big man he is), he lands his ass right on the back of the rocking chair - you know, the part that sticks up and is part of the frame... his bunghole was hurting so bad, I think we went to check to make sure it wasn't bleeding.

Whitman, Dickenson EXPOSED...

2005-10-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

Danielle -

What if you wrote a reflection on transcendentalism in Dickenson and Whitman and then composed a poem in the style of each?...there's a weird circularity in the things you're sending that might be massaged into a few works.

SO, I wrote a poem...

I sit Alone - yet Death be lurking below my feet and between the Beads.
This person inside a hollow shell knows fear, though fear never writes to Me.
Clear my restless Mind, no Sleep upon my bed, no light cast by such a window.

- Darkness -
Lost souls, you Move with much haste-
My Brain excels Success.
Life is death, and Death is life
Voices, babble inside my Brain
- Fleeting -

Hault the sounds of Neighboring voices
No need speak - for their Ears are ever so Distant
My we join together and become One
Whether rich, poor, or Deadly toll
Little glimpses of god They show.

Know thyself - let not your Illness take
People, ye Move ever so quickly
Lost souls - question not, for All things bore from the Hands that planted Eden
Follow each moment in Life and appreciate it's bearing Fruit.
With these things I Protest - a part of my life as they are a Part of yours.
I am American, where I want to live, where I want to Die, the dust is on bare Feet.
Ask not of the mother who bears such a Child - so it shall also die.
Breathe in the circle - Feel everything - all things lie in its place.

DAMN! Did I write that? Why, YES I did! HAHA! Man, I feel good, so don't bring me down too hard. :P Strangely enough, I got most of my ideas and phrases from a little book I wrote in when I was FIFTEEN. I never knew it would someday help me in college. I was wondering why I was so damn interested in these poems...

Did you know hamsters could fly?

2005-09-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

Below is a reply sent by my American Literature instructor. I wrote her an email explaining my ideas/thesis for my next essay: Whitman, Dickenson, and their parallels of transcendentalism (beyond ordinary human experience).

Danielle--
OMG! Cool. I'm less concerned that you have one of those "here are the three things I'm going to talk about" theses and more into what you're discussing and figuring out. All of your ideas sound really good. Focus on maybe two or three. If Thoreau doesn't fit in ...then dump his ass. The similarity of language and ideas might also be a good way to connect all of them...Are there words Dickinson capitalizes that might resonate as well? I also love the dust on the bare feet as a connecting point.

And as for your hypothetical essay topic, I guarantee the majority of kids in there didn't know what you were talking about.

If you need more guidance than that, email. Or just keep floating ideas. They sound really fertile, regardless of where they take you.

----------------------

The hypothetical topic she's talking about is when I raised my hand and gave away what my possible topic was going to be about. If no one knows who Walt Whitman was, he was pretty much a hippie and found the answers to the meaning of life by looking at nature, and the actions of people to better explain the unexplainable. Emily Dickenson was afraid of death until she sat in her house so long by herself that she finally got what life and death was all about. She explains in one of her poems that the answers to life and everything was so inconceivable that if would basically make your whole head explode if you even had that kind of knowledge. People often considered Dickenson to be blasphemistic, but she told them off by saying that they were being blasphemistic by trying to know everything, just as God knows everything. HOLY CRAP! If transcendalism means "beyond human experience", then wouldn't that mean people other than Whitman and Dickenson were doing that by wanting to discover all this science crap and wanting to know about the universe and everything inside it? I mean, SHIT, consider that DaVinci Code and the Golden Spiral stuff. If that's not thinking like God, than I don't know what is.

-----------------
Aubrey's the shit...

----------------

Can't let you leave without a little of this:

and this:

Damn, he looks a little faint...

I'm at the library...

2005-09-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

UUGHGHHHH!!! My internet frequency or some shit is fucking up at my house, so I'm having to use the school library computer and it sucks and it won't let me post images and you know that if I can't post images, I go on strike. I WAS going to clear some things about Alabama stereotypes. Yes, some of it is true, so that doesn't make it a stereotype, but a fact, right?

Well, I'm parked in the 20 min. parking spot and the damn cop that runs around here probably gave me a damn ticket already. Like the university cops have anything else better to do around here. That reminds me... we need a donut shop on campus. MMMMMM donuts.

Anyway, the cable techonologistician is pose to come over later, so I should have my post ready tomorrow. SHIT. I have to go home and call them to let them know not to come over AFTER 2:30. I got my days mixed up. DAMMIT! Always fuckin something.

I hate being drunk and having fucked up dreams...

2005-09-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

Actually, it's kinda cool.

My sister and I went to this girl, Christina's house, to tell her that she needed to move away from her fucked up parents that were on crystal meth, or crack, or whatever. When Christina's parents overheard us telling her this, her mom ran back into the house to get a gun, ran up to the car, and stuck the pistol in my sister's face. She was like, "Get the FUCK OUTTA HERE NOW"! As we were driving off, it was just like me to stick my head out of the window and yell, "FUCK YOU SHOW OFF!" So then we drove around this residential area and we kept getting lost. I kept looking back to see if Christina's parents were chasing us, and of course, they were because I had to open my damn mouth.

The next thing I know, I'm in this hotel or business office skyscraper thing, in the middle of Cincinnatti. Christina's dad is running around chasing me with the pistol, and I'm running around trying to find someone with a gun, so I could shoot at him. While I'm running around yelling, "Someone is chasing me with a fucking gun! Does anyone have one I could use?", everyone else is like, "Uh.. I don't know what you're talking about". I found a security officer and he had a gun, but he wouldn't listen to me because he didn't believe me.

So, I ran into Christina's dad, and I was wrestling with him and the gun. Then, we began to negotiate. He's like, "I'll let you go, just let me shoot you in the hand...". Then, he wanted to shoot me in the stomach. I was like NO WAY, you're not shooting me anywhere! Well, the gun went off and it hit me in the stomach. I didn't feel it, I just had a little blood coming out. Then, the bullet fell out. I ran outside yelling for someone to call an ambulance. People were sitting around on the benches and getting off the buses. They were just looking at me like I was crazy. Almost like they expect that sort of thing to happen.

Somehow, I made it back to my apartment. I look in my bed and it's Christina's dad and mom having sex.. I was like NOOOO!!!! YOU BASTARD! For some reason, I was jealous, because they started having sex without me. It's almost like I had the same feeling I would get if I walked in on Aubrey and some other girl, but they were suppose to wait until I was there. It was really screwed up. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, brushing my teeth to get ready for bed, then looking back in the room and there, behind Christina's mom was a mirror and it was all fogged up with hand prints all over it and moisture from the heat of their bodies dripping down. I guess it was suppose to show me what a HELL OF A GOOD TIME THEY HAD WITHOUT ME DAMMIT!

Somewhere inbetween, I remember that no one would take me to the hospital. This happens in every dream. I'll be shot, and no one will fucking help me. Hmmm... I also remember my jaw starting to lock up because there was lead in the bullet, but lead doesn't cause that. That's tetnis or whatever. Fuck it, I'm not looking up the spelling.

Today was...

2005-09-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

I am SOOOOO glad that history exam is over. I had five days to prepare, but I believe that I could have done better. I got the question about Socrates wrong. She asked who was executed by Hemlock and I answered "Aristotle". DOOOHHHHH!!! Normally, I score extremely high on essays, but essay questions on exams are MUCH different. I read it over, and it looked as if a fifth grader was asked the question.

I finally got my calluses back on the tips of my fingers, and it only took me like four rounds on the guitar until you could start to feel NOTHING again. I noticed it when I was reading through my history book with my fingertips. I was like AH! I can't feel anything! Cool.

I learned alot about Poe. He made fools out of us! It was all a big joke! I thought "Cask of the Amonadillo was hilarious. All this time, I was thinking that the title was "Cast of the Armadillo". I'm such a dumbass. Well, that what I'm in college for. But I'm 26. Hmmm....Fifth grade essay paper... I wish it was a class on serial killers... I would do much better. What's for dinner? Fried boy's arms with a side of baked eyeballs. Mmmmm....I love eyes of brown.

I keep running into ex-boyfriends or people that know me from dating one of his friends. I guess that's the bad karma I was expecting. I hope to God, that's as bad as it gets.

Vroom... Vroom!

2005-09-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

KICK ASS! I learned how to ride a motorcycle today! It was this one, but less shinier. The Trail of Tears was this weekend, so Aubrey's family got to ride from Chattanooga, TN, to Waterloo, AL. Aubrey and I didn't get to participate since people at his work are bitches and didn't pick up any of his hours for Saturday.

Anyway, about the motorcycle ride. I was doing fine in the grass, until I decided to cross the driveway. I did it once, and Aubrey told me not to do it. I was perfect until I decided that I was going to do it again. Aubrey's like, "Don't do it again! You might hit that ditch over there...it's hard to see!" I guess I get a little cocky when I'm doing good, so I did it again, even though I was told not to, and freaked out, broke, and dropped the bike on the concrete. I scratched the side of the tank, but Neal expected it to happen, so he wasn't too pissed. I scraped my leg on the handle bars, too. WHHHHAHHHH!!! Aubrey pretty much called me stubborn. I asked if he wanted a divorce, but he said no. Ok... whatever. Call me stubborn again, horsefuck. :))

2005-09-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

I don't like hard dildos. I can feel it hitting against my pubic bone when it's stuck up my vagina. It's not very comfortable.

We put the hamster in Aubrey's stinky sock and he seemed to like that. I smelled the other sock, and he's lucky he was in the less-stinkier one.

Aubrey and I just had a couple of screwdrivers and my eyes are still swimming inside my eyesockets. Rachel is on her way over to grab the rest of her vodka that she left over the other night. Whoops. Aubrey made me a chicken sandwich. The chicken was left over from the other night from when he grilled two chickens and the lady next door was like, "OOH, I want some chicken!" I was going to give her one, but I was afraid that she might think we poisoned it. I'm just paranoid sometimes. The opposite kind. I got an "80" on my skeleton painting. I'm like WTF? That's ok. I have someone from ebay that "loves my paintings". I'm going to try to make him a "customer". FUCK COLLEGE. Not really.

BTW, that's Britney. Smoking a cigarette. With a tattoo on her belly. Her pregnant one.

Awwww... rachel was such a cute baby...

2005-09-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

School has been going nice for me. I scored an 88 on an essay rough draft, something that I didn't know wtf the instructor wanted exactly. I got lucky, I guess. I'm going to go rewrite it and add some more crap to it so she'll give me some more points to make it an "A".

I haven't been on BE lately, or even had time to play with my blog, since class has started back. Diana sent me this picture, so I decided to post it and say something. I just made some cookies and I wish I could give Diana one, but she's like 500 miles north of me.

Astronomy is killing me. I thought math was over. Ugh. My instructor would rather go check his email than help me with homework. Bastard. I didn't turn my last one in because he taught us what to do the day it was due. How that makes sense, I don't know. Since I'm going to a primarily engineering university, they think that everyone there is a genius in math and science. I'll turn my last assignment in along with the next one. Fuck it. Let him put a big fat 0 on it... see if I care... well alittle.

I ran into my first boyfriend that I had in the 8th grade the other day on my way out of Astronomy. I was like OMG! Charlie! Or rather, Carlos, as he likes people to call him. I call him Charlie because that's what his mom calls him. Heehee. He ran off to Michigan and got married, now he's back and getting a divorce, and of course, he's fighting for custody of his 4 year old son? daughter? he never did say. He asked if I had any kids yet, and I was like HELL NO.

I'm due on my period today, so I'll see how that goes. It's 3:30 now, and I usually start in the morning. We'll see....:-SS

Spermacide.

2005-09-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

For Diana

2005-09-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Template borrowed from Nick James

Mourning Wood.

2005-09-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

For Diana

2005-09-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

Look on my sidebar...

2005-09-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

If anyone is looking for "Disgusting Girl", I have the cachèd site on my sidebar. Or, you can just click here.

I got a new hamster!

2005-09-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

Aubrey and I went to the pet store and bought a "black bear" hamster. I sent Diana a copy of the picture and I asked her to name it, so his name is Apollo. I wanted to name it Leroy, but then I thought, that was the nickname of this dude that use to push me into my locker in high school.
I kicked him in the knee once, and that was the last time he messed with me. So, I didn't name him Leroy. We bought all the goodies for him. The hamster itself costed $20. I couldn't believe it. They use to be like $5, no matter what "breed" you got. With all the supplies, everything came to like $70. I could have shat in my pants. I mean JESUS, I could have bought a damn dog for that. SHEESH. I told Aubrey that I would pay him back, but he said that I could buy groceries instead. With my school loan money, of course.

When Rattie dies, I'm going to spend $3 on another one. THREE DOLLARS. I couldn't tell you which rodent is better. Rats are much
more affectionate. Hell, hamsters aren't affectionate, they're just so fuckin cute. And rats don't run around in that little ball and their wheel doesn't need butter spread on the hinges every damn time it starts to make that god-awful screeching sound. My past hamsters probably had brain damage from me shaking the shit out of them, trying to get them out of the thing so I could rub butter on it at 2 o'clock in the morning when I had school the next day. You can read the other things I did to hamsters by reading #48 in my 100 (well, 75 right now) Confessions here.

BTW...Aubrey gashed his eye when he was working on his motorcycle. Poor wittle guy.

2005-08-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

2005-08-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

So this is life...

2005-08-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

For Diana

My first comic ever.

2005-08-27T03:53:00.000-07:00

For Nick James

Kill da puppy.

2005-08-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

AHHHHH!!! That loud ass puppy that I've been hearing for WEEKS (Bryan) is Bryan's puppy! Well, it's not a puppy at all, it's a 2-year-old Boston Terrier. I had complained to the manager a couple of days ago, and she had left a note on his door telling him that his dog was disturbing other residences. My sister, however, knew that Bryan lived directly behind me, not considering the fact that he had a dog, it barked whenever Bryan wasn't home, and it was driving me up the freakin wall. I was at Freddy's and he "confronted me" about it, saying something like, "So, is my dog still bothering you?... or something like that...I was like OMG! You're the dude with the barking puppy but we know each other from Freddy's... wierd. Anyway, here's a pic from us tonight right after we "met".

Shut the fuck up you dirty hippie.

2005-08-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

I dressed like a gypsy today. Carrie told me to. I was the only one around that looked artsy fartsy and it wasn't even an art class, it was history. Everyone was staring cause I roll my own cigarettes and it looked like I was smoking a big fat one.

There was this fat girl that had her fly unzipped. You could totally see her pink underwear. She noticed me when I saw her. When she went to zip it up, I quickly turned my head, pretending not to notice.

My history teacher is female and has a Ph.D. She was so nervous, I thought she was going to pass out. She was all huffy and waving her arms around. I also believe she is as old as me. Her name is Molly. I'm so fuckin screwed.

I had to buy yet another hundred dollar book. FUCK.

Research paper? At least I get to do it on whatever the fuck I want.

My skin still smells like onions from the night I cut up a whole onion and put it in our dinner.

OMG! Aubrey has a psycho stalker girl at work!

2005-08-23T17:34:00.000-07:00

Aubrey has been coming home from work telling me about this girl named Trice. Of course, at first, she asked if he was single, then after he told her that he was getting married in three weeks, she kept telling him how perfect he was and how she wished she had met him before he met me. I didn't think anything about it because I think it's flattering since I've never dated anyone that girl's would flirt with or even thought was hot.

Well, he told me yesterday that she was like, "Aubrey, you're soooo perfect..." and Aubrey said, "Yeah, but there are plenty of perfect guys out there..." trying to wing her off. She replied, "Yeah, but there's only one perfect Aubrey...". Aubrey told her to back off or his wife was going to come up there and kick her ass. I laughed when he told me this, again, because I was flattered.

Today, when he came home and told me what she had done, I began to see the extent
of this girl. First, he told her that I asked him last night if she had been touching Aubrey. She was like, "OOH! Can I?" I was like, "OMG!" That's not the creepy part. He also told me that she was walking around all day with a sticker on her shirt that read, "Hello, my name is CORPSE" on it. I was like, "Corpse? OMG! That's so fuckin highschool." Then Aubrey told me WHY she was wearing CORPSE on her shirt. She replied to Aubrey after he asked her, "Because I feel DEAD without you." I was like OMFG! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! This is also the same girl that asked Aubrey if he knew how to make a car bomb. Something about her wanting this one guy dead. So, I'm telling everyone just encase Trice ends up going fucking psycho and kills herself along with him or some creepy Romeo and Juliet shit like that.

BONGo water.

2005-08-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

For more pics of Big Spring, click here.

My Big Fat Ass.

2005-08-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

And so it begins...May 30th 1994

2005-08-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

This post is typed as it was written. I have a habit of writing in proper English grammar, so typing this as it was written is going to literally fuck with my head.

For Carrie

When Danielle Loves Damien

May 30th, 1994.

I find Charlie but he is a mormon. I find Matthew but he was just usuing me for sexual reasons. I find Damien and now I have to go home to Alabama because my vacation is over. I've got more day left. I'm going to miss him and even though I've known him for only 5 days I've fallen in love with him. I don't want anyone else not even Jonathan Brandis! I wonder what he's thinking about. Well I'm trying to write this and think about him at the same time. I'm shaking right now because there is an unknown future infront of me. I feel like I'm not glad I've kissed other guys, because that probably makes him feel alone. Whose going to be my next one? Someone, but not for a very very long time. Well, Damien, I don't know if you are reading this right now but if you are, I LOVE YOU. I just wish you could say it back. YOU DID. THANK YOU.

April Tenth, Nineteen Seventy-Nine, Washington Redskins or Hornets, Blue Eyes, Brown Hair.
0 0
+ v = LOVE

SSN Office Ladies Are Bitches.

2005-08-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

I went to get my SSN display name so I could be a Walker, instead of a Fortson. This dumbass bitch gets it in the computer and leaves my name on there. I'm like WTF? She's like, "Well, you wrote in this blank what you wanted your cardholder name to be Danielle Renèe Fortson..." and I'm like, "Oh, I misread it...I thought that I was suppose to write the name that was already ON the SSN card. Well, I didn't read the directions correctly, so that may make me a dumbass, but she's MORE of a dumbass because I handed her my marriage certificate with Aubrey's name on it, so you'd think she would know that I wanted my name to be changed from Fortson to Walker. Fucking dumbass bitch.

On top of that, there was a retarded lady or whatever talking really loudly about her checking account for some reason. I think she had brain surgery because she had a deep scare on the back of her head. She asked the security guard for his number and also had the bathroom door open talking to someone that was trying to go. She also had seven grandkids. I was sitting there thinking, "WTF?"

Then I went to deposit my college loan check in the bank so I could go get something to eat and some gas, but I get there and she's like, "You didn't have any money in either accounts, so it was closed in July. You'll have to reopen them." I was like "ok" so I walk over to the dude that opens accounts, but he said that it would take a day to go through, so I can't deposit my check until tomorrow. I have to go out of my way and call this man tomorrow just to see if I can deposit my check. GRRRRRR. I just want some fucking gas, which by the way, is about $2.50/gallon. Aubrey can give me money all day long, but it's been a while since I could just go to the bank and get my own damn money. I spent my last loan check taking people out to lunch. Dammit.

Hello, Neighbor.

2005-08-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

John: it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
would you be.... could you be.....my
could you be my neighbor...
i'll put my favorite shirt on
and sit here by the computer all day
but if it's a bad day again
i'll ride this trolley to make-believe land

ME: wait let me try

ME: it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day for a beauty could you be mine would you be mine I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you soooo let's make the best of this beautiful day at least we're together, we might as well say, would you be mine could you be mine won't you be my neighbor, would you be, could you be, please won't you be MY NEIGHBOR

ME: OOOOOOH

ME: it's such a good feeling to know you're live it's such a happy feeling you're growing inside and when you wake up ready to say, i think i'll make a SNAPPY new day *snap snap It's such a good feeling a very good feeling a feeling you know that I'll be back when the day is knew and i'll have more ideas for you and i'll have more for us to talk about, and so will you
ME: good day neighbor, I hope that you will stay in school and not become a teenage crackwhore mother on welfare

ARRRRRR! Surrender the BOOTY!

2005-08-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

Fractals

2005-08-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Fractal: A geometric pattern that is repeated at ever smaller scales to produce irregular shapes and surfaces that cannot be represented by classical geometry. Fractals are used especially in computer modeling of irregular patterns and structures in nature.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

I came across this dude's blog that was dedicated to optical illusions and I was freaked to find that he dedicated a whole page
on fractals. Here are some designs that I created before I knew exactly what a fractal was. Neither of them are finished. I guess I just got bored and decided to start a new one.

Here are the fractals that I created during my drawing and 2-D design class, after I discovered how fractals worked. It was merely by accident, which is strange, because it's like fractals have already been planned by infinite mathmatical equations.

I have to thank Walt from Illusions Etc.
for inspiring me to post these. You should go visit and check out
fractals found in nature.

Thanks, Walt! You're awesome! (Keep it real.)

Dear Bloggers,

2005-08-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

I believe that Blog Explosion is a load of shit. At least the people that comment on my blog are true. It's kinda like when you sell weed and you have all these "friends" and then the minute you stop selling, you "friends" stop coming around. Dumb fucks. I hope they all rot in hell. I may not have the greatest template in the world with the fairy in the background while you can scroll down the posts while the fairies stay in one place, but dammit, I work damn hard on this crap and dammit, it's just fun to look at and know that your shit is always there. I might as well use it as a damn class notebook for when I go back to school. Then, I could show you some REALLY boring shit. Who likes history? or Literature? Well, dammit, you're about to get some. I've already posted my critical analysis from art history class. That was pretty kick ass, but I'm about to snatch the candy out of that little poor child's hand and feed it poo and soot.

So, Blog Explosion,
BTW, if you like COCKS as much as I do, you'll love my other blog, Sexually Moot.

energy is a massive waste ball.....

2005-08-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

chimpanzys are for lovers
that's what the old folks say
as shrimp will sour
inside my shower
eating my pourage
and beans
growing from my inner ear
my uvyala taste strange today
much like rye bread with strep
error error super terror
there are mothers going on
about all things that are wrong
when they are the only cause
of their fucked up little children
mister ratty says fuck off
if you fucked a chicken
i don't know if we could still be friends
aliens present a perilous situation
i need tweezers for this one
oh damn my fuck
shit damn
those dirty bastards
i think they, uh, oh,
i mean, uh, really planted
one on me this time.

neal walker

Shark Or Whale?

2005-08-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

While Aubrey and I were on the beach at Tybee Island, this kid about the age of 15 walked up to his parents and was like, "I got a bloody nose...", and he was holding his nose and blood was running down his arm. He must had smashed it on the bottom of the ocean floor when a wave
came in. Anyway, his parent's were like, "Well, go wash it in the water..." I didn't really think anything about it until a few minutes later, I saw a black dorsal fin pop out of the water about 100 feet away. I was like, "HEY! (to the parents) I saw a fin out there, I swear to God! As soon as I said that, the fin popped out of the water again and the mom was like, "OMG! You're right!" She called to her son to get out of the water. Just then, a dude talking on his cellphone saw it and was like, "HEY! That's a shark!" I was like, "DUDE, I already told them that." He took all my credit that crazy bitch! Well, that's not the point of the story.

The point is, neither Aubrey nor I could determine whether it was a shark or a pilot whale. First of all, the shark or whatever was alone and whales/dolphins usually swim at least with a mate. Second, the dorsal fin was rounded, not pointed. It was also curving in and out of the water instead of swimming straight like a shark would. But the ironic thing was, it showed up by itself just minutes after dude went to wash his face off. If you can answer any of our questions, please cry like a baby.

Our Honeymoon: Savannah, Georgia.

2005-08-19T09:47:00.000-07:00

To check out what we did for 3 days click here.

Our Wedding: August 13th, 2005

2005-08-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

To see more pics of our wedding, click here.

To see what happened that night at Freddy's, click here.

I'm getting married tomorrow!

2005-08-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Hey, you!@ Yeah you. I'm alitrtle topsy tiervy, so you'll have ti i=o excuse me foer a momernt. Well, here's a pictuere.

AHHHHHHH!! I just got done watching poltergeist and now I'm watching Stir of Echoes and it fucking sucsks. Anyway, here's pictuers of me and ubaubrey at his paren'ts house about two weeks ago. OMG. There's going to be so mcuh beer at the receptoion. I'm so excited. Anwyaways, you likemy skirt? I got it at the mall. It has little beads at the bottom and it's twimkly like tinkerbells. Well, I geuss I'm going to a chat room. Bye.

Stem Cell Research?

2005-08-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

Of course not! This is Aubrey's Italian bread in it's "boobie" phase.

Aubrey's Italian bread before it goes in the fire.

It's done! Ain't it perdy? It smells SOOOOO good, too.

Aubrey and Bijou, 12, have fun in the back yard playing soccer.

Kiki, 8, the Devil Dog. You can't leave a plate of food unattended. She'll wait until you're not looking at go in for the kill. She once ate a whole Snickers bar, one of those orange chocolate balls that you get around Christmas, and a whole bag of fried pork skins. This dog will literally eat until she pops. No shit.

Lasagna time!

Ex-hippie kids like to play guitar.

My Mom, the Ex-Hippie Wanna Be Conservative or Whatever

2005-08-11T01:21:00.000-07:00

My mom's family finally arrived yesterday for the wedding that's taking place on Saturday. It was the first time they've met Aubrey. It was frustrating because they are kinda conservative and you never know what to say, and you're afraid of saying something totally wierd. I say a lot of wierd shit sometimes. I was surprised when we were sitting around the table and I heard my mom say, "100 things to do with a dead cat". I believe they were on the subject of my cousin being a veteranarian's assistant. What was cool about her job was that the doctor kept dog uteruses in a jar after surgery.

Of course, when you're sitting around with family that you haven't seen in a while, a touchy subject always comes up, and this time it was by accident. I had an idea about what they were talking about. See, my grandmother died of cancer when my mom was like 13 and she and her siblings were separated into different orphanages. Everyone always asks, "What about their dad?" Well, their dad, my grandfather, is who they were speaking about, but trying not to. My grandparent's had divorced before my grandmother's death, went off to California, married and had another family of his own. Pretty much, their dad didn't want anything to do with them anymore. My mom hasn't seen her dad since her senior year in high school, and she has no intentions of seeing him again. Because of him, she was passed here and there between foster families, one of which wasn't so nice to her. Last time they heard, he was living in Tucson, AZ, but that doesn't matter, because my mom doesn't want to see him anyway. It kinda makes me sad, cause I've never met him and as far as I know, he's still out there somewhere.

Anyway, today we're going to the rock quarry where they give diving lessons. I'm not diving, and I don't even know if I'm swimming because there are brim in the water and I don't like swimming where I know brim are going to be nibbling on my toes. NO WAY! I will take some pics and show everyone what it looks like.

Taken from: THE ORATION ON THE DIGNITY OF MAN By: Pico della Mirandola

2005-08-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

Danielle R. Fortson
Art History 201
Dr. David Stewart
09/20/04

In his writing, "Oration On the Dignity Of Man," Pico della Mirandola demonstrates that man is presented with free will given by God, that we as humans are "constrained by no limits" to become divine, "heavenly beings," or to inhabit brutality. In other words, as Pico is trying to explain, symmetry is beauty, and beauty is divine.

Andrea Mantegna, in his work, Dead Christ, painted in 1501, protrays Christ lying on a hard, rectangular bed, mortally wounded, the product of His crucifixion. The tops of the pillow on which His head lies is curved inward, ending at his crown. Both corners of the pillow point at an outward angle away from Christ's head. A cicular halo cradles His head and the head itself is turned away from the three figures to His right. His eyebrows curve inward towards His nose and the lines of His eyebrows and eyes curve outward, in perfect line of the top of the pillow and also towards the three figures to the right of Him. His mouth also lines up with the curvature of the pillow.

Christ's chest is in perfect alignment with the vertical center of the painting. The muscles are rounded and pronounced. His shoulders point outward and again are parallel with the corners of the pillow on which His head lies. The points of His elbows are parallelwith the points of His shoulders. The hands are crumpled inward where most of His fingertips cannot be seen. The feet are pointed, again outward and parallel with the right-hand corner of the pillow and away from the three figures to the left. The wounds on the hands and feel are parallel with horizontal lines of the rectangularity of the bed. The body of Christ itself is shortened, not proportional to His head. A tin cup hides in the shadow of the left of Christ and is equidistant to the turn of the wall directly behind the bed and to the wounds in Christ's hand and feet.

The three figures to the right hold grim, downward-angled faces, of which are partly shown. One figure holds a handkerchief that covers only one eye. The handkerchief is parallel with the lines of Christ's torso, right shoulder, and left hand. Both faces of the lightened figures are parallel to the angle of which Christ's head is turned. There are no figures to the right of Christ, to which his head and feet are turned.

One may say that this painting might be a little different from others of it's time. Half of the lines are vertical, horizontal, or diagonal (as seen within the corners of the pillow, shoulders, left foot, and head), and the other half are curved, often ending back at Christ's body. Nonetheless, the symmetry of Dead Christ, painted in the early 16th century, is as divine as Christ Himself, explained by Pico as becoming divine, "heavenly beings" and at other times, there is a lack of symmetry, which concludes Pico's idea that humans are "constrained by no limits" and inhabit brutality.

Grade: A
"Very strong work" - Dr. Stewart

Tree of Knowledge

2005-08-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

The internet, mapped as a colored layout, with each color representing an ISP.

Just something to think about...

2005-08-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

What if Pres. Bush wasn't incompetent at all? What if he was just pretending. Or maybe......maybe his father is The Devil and Pres. Bush is being puppeteered by the Great Pupper Master. Back in Genesis, The Devil used Eve as his puppet to lure evil into the garden. It is said that when the End comes, there will be people who are watching, and even more people that are not. So, how we know that we are actually on the same side as the audience? Maybe we aren't as smart as we think we are.

This is the scariest clown I have EVER seen...

2005-08-09T02:37:00.000-07:00

Everyone, Meet Clementine.

2005-08-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

SQUEEEAL LIKE A PIG!!!

Hey, everyone! This is Clementine, Freddy's girlfriend. he's extremely protective of her and and we were suprised to have had the honor of molesting her bunghole in order to get these pictures. Thanks, Freddy!

Aubrey Thinks He's An Air Mattress

2005-08-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Letter From Baghdad

2005-08-07T17:32:00.000-07:00

This is a letter that was written to my sister from this dude that she frequently speaks with via internet.

Message: dear rachel...... I'm not in safe here at all ............ so everythig not ok . but everything is so hopeles ... my friends dieing everyday ... my family .. myself .. my love.. my ...................................... everything that I love... still dieing coz of your government .. now you say don't say thing like that ??? babe we are dieing ...... and you know that . I love you ..... love your thinking ..love your way ... and I'm not a winners ..and you are not a part of this shit ... you are not .................... you are not guilty .. Rachel .. don't say that any more ...ok .. love you basim baghdad 11:37am === Original Message ===

Freddy's is KICKIN' CHICKEN In AlaBOO

2005-08-07T01:57:00.000-07:00

Best fucking wings in the whole world. Well, except for the ones Aubrey makes on the grill :">. Tequila Lime wings and HOT sauteed in a chipotle garlic sauce.

I heard a rumor from my sister that there was going to be a he/she playing guitar. Well, part of it was true, I guess. Carrie (http://www.blogofcarrie.blogspot.com/) asked me if he was going for the Vince Neil look. To be honest, I can't remember what band Vince Neil played in. Was is Van Halen? He/She played some of that. Was it Poison? He/She played some Poison, too. I tried to get my picture taken with him, but everytime I tried to go ask, he was talking to all the slutty girls. One took a perfectly good Freddy's t-shirt and cut it with scissors so she could show her man body. At one point, dude was like, "Man, I'm really fucked". That's what you get when you can get free drinks from the Wheel of Death.

This is us, being silly.

This is Tim. He's the one that made those awesome wings. He came over from 801 Franklin, a posh place for Huntsville engineers, business men, doctors, and lawyers. I'm sure glad he stole the recipe.
Kara is happy for beer.

Dream #14 - The Worse Nightmare EVER

2005-08-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

This dream has got the be the most fucked up dream I've ever had, besides the dreams I've had about aliens.

My ex-boyfriend, Ed, had come over to visit and I was trying to get him to leave. To be more specific, we were in the back bedroom and the lights were out. I gave him a hug, and my sister, Rachel, went back there, saw us, and went to the living room to tell Aubrey. As I was leaving the room, Aubrey stopped me in the doorway and I gave a deep GASP. Aubrey was like, "What's the matter, Baby"?, and he was being quite sarcastic. I quickly went into the living room and sat on the couch next to Rachel. I heard Aubrey and Ed arguing back and forth, when I suddenly realized that Aubrey kept his gun in the bottom drawer next to the bed. First, Ed came out and was headed towards the door. Aubrey came out after and was yelling and waving the gun around the room. Ed had his hands on the doorknob and kept following the gun around with his eyes.

The next thing I know, Aubrey and I are outside and I'm 50 ft. away and he's shooting me with his .40 cal., and a 12-gauge and granades. I felt a bullet go into my eye and two in my leg. I was thinking that I'm going to leave Aubrey and not marry him anymore, since he was trying to kill me. On the other hand, I was being sympathetic, thinking of the possiblity that things could "work out".

Next, I remember trying to wrestle a butcher knife out of his hand while we were lying on the floor in the kitchen. Sometimes, in real life, we'll play wrestle on the floor and he'll be laughing hysterically while I'm tickling him. In the dream, he was laughing while I was trying to get the knife out of his hand.

I try to leave and go to the hospital. We're living in a nice apartment complex dowtown in a metro. It was probably Cincinnati, since we were there just about a month ago. Anyway, as I was leaving, this short, fat, black man stops me and is acting as though he was going to pull out a gun from under his fur coat, but he hesitated for all the people walking around on the sidewalks. He says to me, "You don't want to leave, cause I have money, and all the bitches come back for the money". I have no idea where that fit into the dream, but, nonetheless, I dreamt it.

I woke up and as soon as I did, I told Aubrey about it, and I asked him, "Would you ever shoot me and keep me from going to the hospital?" He was more upset that I would ask him that, than the fact that Ed and I were in the my bedroom in the dark. People keep saying that I'm having "wedding jitters", but it was the fact that I had spoken to Ed on messenger (we're just friends), and we were talking about guns right before we fell asleep that night. You be the judge. It won't stop me from getting married! WWWHHAHAHHAHHHHAAA!!!

Carrie (http://www.blogofcarrie.blogspot.com) was talking about the dream she had that was totally fucked up at the same time that I was just about to tell her about mine. Both of our dreams fucked us up for the rest of the day. Feel free to tell me about your dreams and nightmares!

August 5, 2005

Dream #4 - Ron Jeremy?

2005-08-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

I was in Aubrey's room in his parent's house. His bedroom was right next to his dad's bedroom. I was talking to Aubrey when his dad called me into his bedroom. It was Ron Jeremy. I knew it was Ron Jeremy, but it was Aubrey's dad, too. He tried to kiss me then started humping me from the front, grabbing my hips with his hands and giving the motions like he wanted something from me that I wasn't going to give. I walked back into Aubrey's room and told him that his dad, Ron Jeremy, was trying to molest me. Aubrey didn't seem upset. As a matter of fact, I think he liked the idea. :-&

Sat, August 21, 2004

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates... (clickie for biggie)

2005-08-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Insurance

2005-08-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm 26 years old and haven't had children yet. Every time I went to the health department to get birth control FOR FREE, there were 16-year-old kids in there taking pregnancy tests, or trying to find out WTF kind of sickness their child had. Some would come in with like three kids. When the dad was there, he always looked stressed out, and so did the mom, for that matter. And who's to say that was the father in the first place? It just pisses me off that I have to wait when all these other women are having babies and I have to pay for them through tax money. I guess I'll come out better, since I have and plan and they didn't. They may have thought having kids would be easy, but I realize through friends' experiences, that it's a change that lasts the rest of your life. And besides that, I need insurance before I think about anything that has to do with babies. WHHAHHAHAAA WAHHAAAAHAAA WHAHAHAAA!!!...oh, lord.

8 Days Left Until I'm Mrs. Walker

2005-08-04T19:14:00.000-07:00

I'm getting married in like a week! That's not the stressful part, of course. The stressful part is getting everything ready. We're doing the wedding in my parent's living room, instead of a church. For some reason, churches scare me. That's a different story, but now, I'm talking about STRESS. The wedding starts at 2pm and I'm hoping it's going to be a nice day. Here in the south, the weather SUCKS in the summer. It's so humid, that you sweat from just sitting outside, and Aubrey sweats alot when he gets hot. Hey, at least it's not Louisiana, where the humidity is 150% all summer long.

Not only am I worried about the temperature, I have to go over to my parent's house and decorate for the reception and the wedding the day before. My mom's going to be like, "BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I don't want it there, I want it HERE"! It's my damn wedding, mom! She's like, "No, you can't play that song when you walk down the isle because Stacey has been practicing for weeks to play this song on her flute..."! She called me this morning and told me that I could play what I wanted. That's what I thought. I mean, it IS my wedding.

I'm so excited! My feet aren't cold at all. If I had thought it over how stressful getting ready for a wedding was going to be, Aubrey and I would have just gone to the courthouse and eloped. But, I wanted something for the family to witness.

We're going to have beer, wine, and karaoke at the reception - a GREAT combination. My mom has a beautiful backyard and she decorated it with pink flowers and birdhouses. She bought some white bridal lights to go around the trees. Pics will be up as soon as the wedding rolls around. Who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be a chindig encounter of the neighborhood kind.

This is why I don't wear makeup...WTF was I thinking?!

2005-08-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

The Best Chicken They've Ever Seen

2005-08-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Blog Troll Reincarnate

2005-08-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

At the Macaroni Grill, they use large sheets of paper instead of cloths to cover the table so the kids can have their fun coloring to keep them preoccupied. Who knew that I would be able to use this drawing for a future post?

Wedding Night Down At Freddy's

2005-07-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

Going on 7 hours!
This is Greg... he wishes he was Aubrey.
This is Ariel... NEVER piss her off... Mrs. Newell (school counselor) and Aubrey's mom (school secretary) on the electronic slot machines...ugh. So this is what they do when the kids go home from school. HAHA!

This is just the back of the house. It was freakin' crowded as it always is...
Dude from "Bloody Water" or some shit like that. They rocked!
No, this dude isn't about to barf, he's just dancing. With himself. Sorry, dude, can't help you this time.

Aubrey's tired from working all day...

2005-07-29T02:16:00.000-07:00

Coming Home...

2005-07-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

Since I was never asked to any homecoming dance or PROM throughout middle OR high school (fuckers!), Aubrey decided to take me to our university homecoming dance (or whatever you call it). Here in the south, you'd think we have a bunch of rowdy football players, but we don't. We have the best hockey team in our division, whatever that may be.

So, we're there and we sit down at a table, covered with pretty candles and flower arrangements. I was thinking, "Well, this is nice...". They had a buffet set up where you could go pick out any kind of cold-cut, burrito, or nacho bell grande platter. I thought that was pretty lame. But what was more lame was that all the dorks were sitting at their own little table, while all the Greek wannabe pieces of crap danced and frolicked around like little fairies over on the Stage of Retards. There was one couple that was dancing the waltz from a class they had taken, I guess. OMG. What freaking DORK MONKEYS. I thought I was a dork until I saw that crap. HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! UH HUM.... anyways...

It was time to announce the King and Queen of Whorority Hell. We were all huddled at our table wishing someone would come over and PLEASE KILL US, when Aubrey was like, "Who the hell voted for this shit, anyway?" One girl walking passed our table over heard us and replied, "Five-hundred people, actually..." and pointed her little piggy nose up in the air and walked away towards the stage to take pictures of the newly announced couple. "Well, I don't see five-hundred people!" I don't know if Miss Piggy heard us, but it was still damn funny. The thing was, there were really only about fifty people there, including ourselves. They didn't know how to throw a good party. Believe me.

Well, the minutes dragged on, so we decide to have our own fun and suck the helium out of the balloons. OMG. They worked so hard on that place, filling all those balloons and putting them on strings, then anchoring them to the ground. What horror to see such a sight! Well, relentlessly, one of them did. She had been watching us for a while. I saw her. I was watching her too, but I wasn't going to let her ruin our fun. Finally, she struttled her blonde, sparkley ass over there and was like, "Ummm... PLEASE DON'T MESS WITH OUR BALLOONS...." WTF?! OUR? As in WHO? YOU? I go to this university too, DAMMIT. I can suck anything I please around here. I paid for it! Not really. I'm not a part of no damn whorority, and I use that term loosely. I don't contribute to slutty organizations, so, she was right, they were HER goddamn balloons. Fine. Soon after, we walked straight up outta there and I turned around as I walked out the door, generously throwing them a doubled-finger salute.

Back in the day...

2005-07-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

I never would have thought that I would be getting married to such a fine gentleman. He opens my car door for me, cooks, cleans, sews, changes my oil, opens my beer, takes out the trash, let's ME take the pictures while we're on vacation, asks me for advice, LISTENS to what I have to say, and still has time to change our friend's oil, clean her gutters, trim her bushes, and hang the canoe in my sister's garage. There was one time when we were at my friend, Ariel's house, grilling (he grilled of course), and we look over our shoulders and Aubrey was gone. Ariel then says, "Oh, he's back there fixing my toilet".

That poor boy works sixty hours a week and hardly gets a break. Sometimes I feel bad bacause I'm taking off for the summer and then going back to school in the fall. I don't do anything but keep the place clean, and wash the clothes and dishes. He always tells me that he doesn't mind...that I wouldn't be getting the grades I have if I was working. I agree, because college takes up a lot of time. All he asks is that I make him happy. Not only does he say I've made him the happiest man on earth, I've also kept him from going nuts. I'm getting married August 13th and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with the happiest man on earth.

OH, DEAR GOD...

2005-07-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

My precioussssss...

2005-07-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I got a new roommate...

2005-07-27T22:20:00.000-07:00